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Glass House

eBAY reHAB (The Glass House 2/11/05)

A rehab clinic in England is treating patients addicted to auction website eBay. Many of the eBayaholics are recovering drug or alcohol addicts who have upped their bids. A place in the clinic has costs 1000 pounds per week. Well, that’s the reserve price anyway. An eBay addiction can be expensive: after all, a piece […]

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Glass House

Political Witch-Doctoring (cut from The Glass House 2/11/05)

Tanzania’s politicians are sneaking around after dark to get witch doctors to help them win this month’s election. I don’t know why they don’t just rig it like in a normal country. Tanzania’s coastal region of Bagamoyo is renowned for the quality of its witch-doctors: they’ve managed to predict the results of every election for […]

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Glass House

iPod My Baby – please! (The Glass House 26/10/05)

A website now offers little jumpsuits for your baby that make them look like an iPod, complete with a click wheel on the stomach. If you compress your children first, you can fit over 200 into the same jumpsuit! Parents who can’t afford to iPod their baby have been left still having to dress their […]

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Glass House

Punch a Pollie today (The Glass House 26/10/05)

NSW Nationals MP Andrew Fraser took a political stoush a bit literally with his Parliamentary assault on roads minister Joe Tripodi. Fraser later apologised. “I’m sorry – sorry I didn’t kill the prick!” Mr Fraser is now being suspended for eight days – by the neck. Fraser became agitated when Tripodi refused to admit he […]

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Glass House

God told Bush to invade (The Glass House 19/10/05)

A new BBC series reports that George W Bush has said he was instructed by God to invade Afghanistan and Iraq. Well, he said he was God. It was actually Dick Cheney in a fake beard. Usually Bush only calls Cheney “God” when they’re being intimate. God’s gotten a bit slack lately. In the olden […]

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Glass House

Commonwealth Condoms (The Glass House 19/10/05)

Ansell has supplied the Melbourne Commonwealth Games village with 60,000 condoms to service the needs of the 4,500 athletes and 1,500 officials. That’s an average of 10 roots each for their 11 day stay. And if they only sleep with each other, they get 20 screws each. 60,000 condoms! And Shane Warne’s not even competing! […]

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Glass House

Ghost Tax (The Glass House 19/10/05)

A village council in India has fined two men $830 for keeping a pet ghost. It’s a ghost tax. A bit like the GST on petrol excise. The ghost has now become too expensive to keep, and the men reluctantly let it go to haunt a more affluent home. The council came around, issued the […]

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Glass House

Latham Accidentally Inspires Party (cut from The Glass House 12/10/05)

A new political party has sprung up, inspired by Mark Latham’s recent outbursts. Latham was disturbed to hear he’d accidentally inspired a political party. “I’m trying to humiliate parties!” The party is basing themselves on Latham’s principles. A warning if you’re thinking of joining – don’t shake their hands. (You might end up with a […]

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Glass House

Rogues’ Gallery – Dubya & Johnny / Bert / Vanstone (The Glass House 12/10/05)

“Sit and spin, sir?” “Don’t worry, Mr President, I’ll get your gooby.” “See? You did have something up your nose.” “Can I still be deputy sheriff? I brought my own gun!” “And so, Mr President, I said, ‘Saddam – that’s LBW!’” “And this means the batsman’s out.” Howard and Bush discuss the future of petrol […]

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Glass House

Conspiracy Course (The Glass House 12/10/05)

The University of Derby’s Sociology course now offers a subject on conspiracy theories called “apocalyptic and paranoid cultures”. It’s also the title of Mark Latham’s latest book about the Labor party. There is a new course studying conspiracy theories. At least, that’s what some people claim. I want to see the evidence. The students will […]