The second part of this story on last night’s Glass House is about this article.
P.M. John Howard’s visit to Baghdad was a top secret mission, flying by C-130 Hercules from Kuwait to Baghdad and then by Black Hawk helicopter into the maximum-security Green Zone, flanked at all times by US Army choppers. Howard is said to have enjoyed the trip so much that he’ll be making it his regular means of transport to and from his Parliament chambers…
Rather than powerwalking, Howard will be using the Black Hawk chopper for his daily constitutional. Makes a more impressive entrance than a crappy tracksuit.
The helicopter ride was necessary because the road from the airport was deemed to be “too dangerous”. Not too dangerous for our troops obviously, but Johnny isn’t that stupid is he…
Turns out sending the Prime Minister to Iraq was actually Labor’s idea… unfortunately he came back alive.
Turns out sending the Prime Minister to Iraq was actually Peter Costello’s idea… unfortunately he came back alive.
Alexander Downer will be heading over there shortly too. Or as he’ll be known, “Black Hawk Downer”.
Howard looked good in camouflage; if you squinted, you could pretend he didn’t exist.
Johnny’s visit was meant to remain a secret until he’d left Iraq, but Iraqi P.M. Ibrahim al-Jaafari blew his cover by calling a press conference. Damn it, these new Iraqi leaders are no better at following orders than the old ones!
You can tell that a leader’s new to the job when he calls a Press Conference about a Secret Mission. Though at least he used the Cone of Silence.
It’s a good technique for fighting terrorism – if the PM’s in Iraq, Al Qaeda will be less inclined to come all the way over here to blow us up.
Meanwhile John’s wife Janette sat in the PM’s plane on the tarmac at Kuwait City airport acting as a decoy. She wore extra large eyebrows and Johnny’s spare glasses – an uncanny performance.
In fact I’m not even sure John did make it back alive… maybe that’s just Janette in The Lodge now, keeping up appearances…
Not for the first time, Janette was used as a decoy. “At least this time I could just sit on a plane. Usually I have to waddle around quacking.”
“The troops needed a morale boost,” said Howard. “And now I’m heading back to Australia. If that doesn’t boost their morale, I don’t know what will!”
Johnny had apparently asked Janette for some toy soldiers for his birthday. “But she went one better!”
Asked if he was scared of being attacked, Mr Howard said he had more supporters in Baghdad than at home…
He was so excited, getting a chance to try out his camo tracksuit.
Howard snapped at a journalist who asked what the objective of his visit to Iraq was. “You can’t be serious! I’m here to pretend that things are going well! Now out of my way, I’m getting the hell outta here!”
Howard congratulated the Aussie troops who’d won the first “desert Ashes” test match against the British troops. You bowl a hand-grenade and bat with an AK-47. The winner gets the Ashes of the other team.
With grenade cricket, you’re usually aiming for a six and out… and there’s strictly no googlies.
It was a last-minute-plan: if the Test at Lords had gone into a fifth day he wouldn’t have had the time to spare…
The troops were a bit disappointed; their buddies at Guantanemo Bay got Jennifer Hawkins.
