Categories
Good News Week

Bonus questions on royals and quilts (GNW 22/6/09: Magazine Mastermind)

Majesty

And the bonus question: What revolutionary technique are the Royal family testing out to create green energy?
Answer: They are going to try harnessing wind power using only Charlie’s ears. And Camilla’s wind.

And the bonus question was: What is the Royal Family’s motto?
Answer: “Do or Di”.

And the bonus question was: What is the Queen’s favourite expression for when something has passed away?
Answer: “It’s dead as a Dodi.”

And the bonus question was: as part of the Royals’ environmental awareness campaign, Prince Harry has been trialling a machine that runs on burning dried plant matter – what does he call it?
Answer: A bong.

And the bonus question was: If Majesty is “the Quality Royal Magazine”, what is the Quantity Royal Magazine called?
Answer: Camilla. / Fergie.

And the bonus question was: Where do Majesty source most of their photos from?
Answer: Parisian tunnels.

And the bonus question was: Is Majesty royal-approved?
Answer: No, but they do hire out their paparazzi for special assignments.

And the bonus question was: What’s the Queen’s favourite magazine?
Answer: Old Idea. / Whom Weekly.

And the bonus question was: What are Prince Phillip’s favourite magazines?
Answer: Any ones with which he’s shot a pheasant.

New Zealand Quilter

And the bonus question was: What bloodsucking parasite was found to be infesting many of the contestants of the last NZ Wool show?
Answer: Knits.

And the bonus question was: What do kinky New Zealander knitting fetishists give their girlfriends?
Answer: A knit-one-purl necklace. / A purl necklace.

And the bonus question was: How was the quality of the last New Zealand Quilt Expo?
Answer: Patchy.

And the bonus question was: What is the colloquial expression for a seizure experienced by a small New Zealand wool enthusiast?
Answer: A wee kiwi knitwit fit.

And the bonus question was: What’s distinguishes New Zealand Quilter from other quilting magazines?
Answer: The sealed section.

And the bonus question was: What’s the hardest thing about knitting in New Zealand?
Answer: Getting out the semen stains.

And the bonus question was: What’s the New Zealand Quilter short story section called?
Answer: Yarn-spinning.

And the bonus question was: What’s does a wool-addict use to get high?
Answer: Knitting needles.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

Leave a Reply