Australia is looking for a new slogan, logo or image to market ourselves to the world. We’re much more than a nation of great people and great places, according to Trade Minister Simon Crean. We’re also extremely humble.
Crean wants something that doesn’t just concentrate on the great people or the great places. Guess he wants us to focus on the… um… platypuses?
Sure, we not be able to use New Zealand’s “100% Pure” slogan, but we could always use something like “35% Uncontaminated”. / “54% Inhabitable”.
Instead of New Zealand’s “100% Pure”, why not “100% Oi”?
To counter New Zealand’s “100% Pure” campaign, perhaps we could go with “Australia: Zero percent Orcs”.
But we already have a brand: “Aussie Aussie Aussie – Oi Oi Oi!”
We need to employ Brand Power. Maybe they can interview Jo Bailey about the benefits of using Australia for pro-biotic bacteria that really gets stains out.
Australia: extra-juicy, and whiter than white!
The campaign will follow in the footsteps of the arty Baz Luhrmann campaign, and will use the slogan “What the bloody hell were we thinking?”
Crean says Australians tend to be modest about our achievements, for instance our ten Nobel Prizes. Though we do tend to beat our chests about our sporting glories. Maybe it’s just the thinky stuff we ain’t so talky about.
We’re looking for a catch-all slogan, image or logo that will really sum up our appeal. Though it’ll have to be a pretty impressive slogan to make people want to pay thousands of dollars for a pair of 20 hour flights.
All this obsession with our national image. Just whack a roadkilled roo on Ayers Rock and be done with it.
Potential new slogans:
“Like New Zealand But Warm!”
“Not As Racist As We Used To Be!”
“Many Backpackers Actually Survive!”
“Not All Of Our Fauna Is Deadly!”
“Australia – as fat and white as America but without the clout!” / “Australia – like America, but fatter, whiter, and without any clout!”
“Cheap Beer!”
“There’s No Dubya In Our Bush!”
“Hey Hey It’s Australia!”
“You May Very Well Get Out Of Here Alive!”
“Hey You! Wanna True Blue Roo or Uluru?”
“Australia – good for what ails ya!”
“Come here and say that!”
“We’ve got no bears, tigers, wolves, baboons, or lions! Although we do have rugby league players.”
“Check out our Map of Tassie – And The Rest!”
“Backpack around Australia – I dare ya!”
“Australia: frankly, we’ve shat out better countries than New Zealand.”
“Australia: contains absolutely no goblins or orcs!”
“Australia: so interesting that it can’t be summed up in a single catchy slogan, image or logo.”
One reply on “Brand Oi (GNW 31/8/09: monologue)”
Love the ‘0% orcs’ and the ‘can’t be summed up’ one. But if they go for ‘Come here and say that,’ then they’ll have to have Paul front the campaign. Maybe get a few celebs from overseas to join in and show a series of ads with him fronting up to the likes of Mike Tyson, Mickey Rourke or Russell Crowe. It could work.
Anyway, just wanted to congratulate you on winning the Comedy Sketch/Light Entertainment award. Well deserved.
bests to both, f.
[yes, I know Russell’s one of yours]