Brokeback Mountain is being adapted into musical form. As if it wasn’t gay enough. / It just wasn’t gay enough.
Because the one complaint that the homosexual lobby had with the film version was that you couldn’t sing along.
Because the unspoken bond that develops between two strong silent types will sound just fabulous in song!
It’s a story of two strong, silent backwoods loners who develop an unspoken bond – and just love to sing, sing, sing!
It will be a respectful reinterpretation, with Julian Clary taking on the Jake Gyllenhaal role and the Heath Ledger role expected to be played by the “Only Gay in the Village” guy.
Songs will include “Ain’t No Brokeback Mountain High Enough”, “Climb Ev’ry Brokeback Mountain” and “Do Me In the Arse, Cowboy”.
It’s actually an opera. Which is basically like a musical, but more tedious.
But it’s not over til the fat lady sings. She’s actually playing the Mountain.
The hardest part is teaching the horses to sing.
Apparently, it’ll be like “The Magic Flute”, but with a couple of pink piccolos.
And they’re going to try turning “The Magic Flute” into a movie about gay cowboys. It’ll be retitled “The Magic Pink Flute”. / It’s what Mozart would’ve wanted.
It has all the ingredients of a great opera: grand romance, moral conflict, secrets, lies, and poofy men.
It has all the ingredients of a great opera: horses, a mountain, and men who don’t say much.
Admittedly some of the mystery of the original is lost when the two cowboys first appear on stage, wearing leotards.
At last they’ve found some way to make opera appealing to gays.
Now if they can only get Barbara Streisand in the cast it’ll be gay heaven!
The new musical version will feature remakes of some camp ABBA classics including “Can you hear the cow, Fernando”, “Rustling Queen” and “Bummer Mia”.
They’ve actually auditioned all the original actors for roles in the opera, but they weren’t appropriate. These days, Ledger’s acting’s a little stiff.
Because these days, there’s no movie that doesn’t deserve musical treatment. Watch out for Hulk: The Musical! Sex and the City: the Operetta! Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: the Ringtone!
Hopefully it goes better than the operatic version of “Deliverance”.
The quest to turn every type of media into every other type is getting out of hand. In fact the next opera they make will be based on a TV chat show: that’s right, the Oprah Opera.
Other song titles: “Get Brokeback”, “Brokeback in the USSR”, and “The Boys Are Brokeback In Town.” / “Don’t Brokeback in Anger”. / “Brokeback in Black”.
