Alice Springs police have been shocked to discover a man driving a 5-year-old child around with no seatbelt on – but with a case of beer safely buckled up. The man explained that a child can always heal – but when you lose a slab, it’s gone forever.
He had a good reason though. He didn’t want to froth up the beer.
It’s simple maths. If they’d crashed, they’d’ve lost 30 beers – but only one child.
The man said, “It’s okay, he’s not mine. We just found him by the side of the road and thought he might be able to serve us drinks.”
When caught, the man was ashamed. “Okay then, you got me,” he said, resignedly, “take the damn child.”
An Alice Springs driver has been pulled over with a slab of beer buckled up, but not the five year old boy sitting next to it. He was obviously a drink-driver.
He’d learnt his lesson from last time he drove beer home; he’d crashed and someone ended up with a nasty spray in the face.
It was a simple matter of priorities. When was the last time a five year old boy provided icy cold refreshment? (…Er, as this is the Northern Territory, might be best to leave that one unanswered…)
The police officer said the driver didn’t get what the problem was. After all, the beer was for sustenance; the boy was just for recreation.
In the Northern Territory, boys are much cheaper to replace.
The driver claimed he’d never meant to take alcohol into a restricted zone. In fact he thought the slab WAS his kid.
The driver claimed he’d never meant to take alcohol into a restricted zone, or leave the kid unbuckled. He was just really fuckin pissed.
At least this way, if the boy dies in an accident, they’ve got some icy cold ones to drown their sorrows.
He copped a $750 fine and vowed that next time, he’d let the boy do the driving.
The cops were equally shocked to discover a zip-lock bag full of speed in the car wearing a stackhat.
The cops say it’s not unusual to discover people smuggling beers into alcohol-restricted areas, but this is the first time a child has been smuggled into a no-kids-zone.
The guy explained that he would’ve strapped the kid in, but it makes it hard for him to roll their joints. / but it makes it harder for him to take the wheel.
The guy’s just lucky they didn’t discover the kiddies they’d stashed in the boot.
He says that the kid wanted it that way. “He didn’t want us to accidentally damage his beers,” the man said. / The driver says that the kid wanted it that way – he didn’t want to risk his beers.
Of course, it was all the kid’s idea to strap down the beers – he didn’t want the grownups nicking any.
The driver blamed the boy: not only did he unbuckle himself, he also directed them into an alcohol-restricted area, before somehow unregistering and uninsuring the vehicle. Pesky kid.
