George W Bush has claimed that he quit playing golf to show “solidarity” with American soldiers in Iraq. Because, when you’re in direct line of fire on the front line in a ground war in a foreign country, one of the very first things you give up is playing golf. (thump chest with fist) Solidarity.
If he really wanted to show solidarity with the soldiers, perhaps he could give up something else. Like one of his limbs.
And to show their solidarity with the President, many of the soldiers have given up their limbs. / walking. / their sanity.
George W Bush has claimed that he quit playing golf to show “solidarity” with the families of American soldiers in Iraq. Because giving up your 15 handicap is just like losing your son in warfare. / just like having your children blown apart halfway across the world. / is just like having your kids’ limbs blown off in a ruined wasteland fighting for oil.
He doesn’t know it, but actually all the American soldiers are really over there playing golf. It’s like one massive sand-trap. (And it’s a helluva lot safer than warfare!)
“I think that playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal. I should be playing Halo.” / Battleship.”
“I think that playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal. So now I just play Skirmish! / paintball!”
“I think that playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal. Now I only play cops ‘n’ robbers.” / cowboys ‘n’ Indians.”
“I think that playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal. Now, watch this drive.”
He decided to stop playing golf when the UN in Iraq was bombed. And particularly when Michael Moore started showing that footage of him playing golf.
He’s stopped his golfing out of respect for the US soldiers still in Iraq. But it might be more respectful to the soldiers to stop invading places. / to stop sending them there.
He says he stopped playing golf in August 2003, when the US’s top official in Iraq was killed, but CBS news says his last golf game was actually in October 2003. Bush now says that he would’ve stopped in August, but it would’ve been disrespectful to the soldiers in Iraq for him to waste his lucky streak. / but he really wanted that prize. / but he was in the zone. / but he was only three games away from beating Rumsfeld. / but he was only three games away from whupping Cheney’s arse. / but he’d been a bit slow in the sand-trap. / but he’d spent a lot of time choosing between a 9-iron and a pitching wedge.
He’s stopped his golf games out of respect for the US soldiers in Iraq. But they can all go to hell if they think he’ll stop fishin’ or snortin’ coke.
He says he would’ve stopped a lot earlier, if someone had told him there was still a war on. “I already said ‘mission accomplished’, didn’t I?”
He would’ve stopped earlier if he’d realised the Iraq War was still going. “Didn’t we get Saddam already?”
To further show solidarity for the American troops, Dubya’s taken up duck-hunting. That way he too can know what it’s like to blow away innocents in their own homes. / It’s got shooting, it’s got innocent deaths, and, the way Dubya does it, it’s got clusterbombs!
Unfortunately, he hasn’t given up going to war.
But golf is very important to the Bushes, says Dubya. “I mean, y’all know mah daddy did start the Golf War.”
But golf is very important to the Bushes, says Dubya. Especially the oil in the Persian Golf.
The Commander-in-Chief playing golf could be seen as callous when he’s sent soldiers off to die in Iraq, so he’s sticking to Kerplunk. / croquet. / hacky-sak. / downball.
In fact Bush has now vowed to have no more fun at all while in office. And the electorate are helping.
From now on, Bush has vowed that the only fun he’ll have will be whupping towelheads.
Bush says it’s hard staying off the green, but it’s even harder to give up golf.
Bush may be off the golf, but he’s still on the green.
The current Presidential candidates are following Bush’s lead. Barack Obama has promised to stop ten pin bowling, mostly because he’s so embarrassingly bad at it. (Footage of his gutter ball might be nice.)
