While delivering mail, a U.S. postal worker caught a one-year old baby who’d fallen two storeys. She was fine – everyone knows babies like stories.
It’s great that she caught the baby. Such a shame she didn’t catch the mum. / But the mum got away.
Next time, the baby’s gunna have to try overdosing on pills.
It’s great that she caught the one-year old girl. Though her twin made a nasty mess.
The parents haven’t been charged with anything, although the baby’s been done for endangering a postal worker.
Unfortunately, being a postal worker, as soon as she caught the baby she stamped and mailed it.
Luckily, the baby wasn’t marked “fragile” – or she would’ve stomped on it. / smashed the fuckin thing.
The incident is being blamed on an incompetent stork.
The parents were surprised, claiming they don’t have a baby.
The postal worker claims the baby just “fell into her arms”. But the truth is, she was down there for ages, waving a rattle, shouting “Jump! Jump!”
The baby was a girl, so the postie didn’t know what to do with it. She’s only used to handling the male.
Unfortunately the mother didn’t answer the door immediately, so she had to pick the baby up at the post office after 3.
The baby had insufficient postage so had to be returned to sender. Fortunately that was the mother. / Fortunately that was the same as the recipient.
Unfortunately, the baby was unaddressed, so ended up at the office on a pile of other unaddressed babies. / on a pile of letters. / so they had to throw it out. / so they had to take it down to the post office and ram it through the shredder.
Unfortunately by the time the parents got the child back, it had already been steamed open and read.
Unfortunately the child had been incorrectly addressed, and ended up going to an elderly couple in Dandenong. And they’d already opened her up and read her before they realised their mistake. / And they just tossed her in the recycling.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time their baby’s fallen from the window. But the little brat keeps getting caught by postal workers.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time their baby’s fallen from the window. But it’s the first time they didn’t push it.
No charges are being filed against the mother, who had placed her daughter on a bed up against the window. Though if it happens again, she’ll get a real ticking off.
Now the mum doesn’t know how she’s going to get rid of the kid.
It was freakish luck. They don’t even have a mailbox.
The family didn’t actually have any letters that day – the baby was only saved by junk mail.
Postal worker Lisa Harrell noticed the baby in the window, when the next thing she knew, the baby had fallen into her arms. Perhaps she was looking for a new mother who wouldn’t leave her perched on a second story window.
The mum stressed that this has never happened before. Normally her child can balance for hours on the ‘naughty perch’. / the ‘naughty sill’. / the ‘naughty ledge’.
The mum stressed that this has never happened before, in all the months she’s been using the ‘naughty ledge’.
The parents are just glad she’s alive. It means they can do it again!
The parents are just glad she’s alive. The last one who fell from the ‘naughty ledge’ wasn’t so lucky.
The postie didn’t even mean to catch her. She just thought it was a particularly squishy parcel. / particularly heavy postcard. With a large picture of a baby on it.
The baby was saved by a postal worker. It was just lucky they’d addressed her properly. / dressed her in bubblewrap. / popped on the correct priced stamp. / wrapped her in brown paper and string. / decided to dress her as an envelope today. / put her in that Postpak.
And it was just the right size for a Postpak.
When the mother realised what she’d done, she was horrified, and vowed to next time make it a ten storey window.
That’s the last time that kid asks for a couple of stories.
The postie said she needed no thanks, before flying away. Farewell, Postwoman! / Will that be the last we hear of Postwoman? I, for one, think not.
