A late French butcher has left his house and land to the local council on condition that they be used to prepare for the communist revolution. That’s right, it’s a communist plot! Of land. The council has agreed to immediately take steps towards communism; they’ve forced peasants to till the man’s land so they can […]
Category: Glass House
NON-WARLIKE Australian soldiers fighting in the East Timor conflict have been told they aren’t due combat pay because the conflict isn’t “warlike” enough. Apparently, they’re just “on holiday” with guns. The soldiers are pissed off that they’re not at war – now if they kill someone, it’s just plain old murder. OK, so the East […]
Football players of both AFL and NRL codes are taking the biff off-field, with assault charges being laid left right and centre. These guys should know that you’re not allowed to punch the public! Hip-and-shoulder only. Fortunately one fight didn’t progress too far when a New Zealand rugby star broke up a fight by whacking […]
A new version of Land of Hope and Glory intended to unite the English behind their World Cup soccer team has been recorded by a flock of sheep. Of course you can’t understand the lyrics – those sheep have a really thick accent / they’re always using Cockney rhyming slang. The singing’s not great, but […]
German authorities are baffled after an entire rollercoaster was stolen from a parked truck. Police are on the lookout for a guy with a really bulky overcoat… Police are asking for people to come forward if they’ve seen any suspicious looking Luna Parks suddenly spring up in their area. You have to be this tall […]
When a German woman wasn’t able to pay for her petrol, she left behind her friend as a deposit. Well, it was bound to happen: new friends are less than a dollar twenty a litre! The friend had the last laugh though – the driver had left her with her four-cents-off voucher. She had a […]
The new boss of the troubled Immigration Department hires a $1000-an-hour personal motivator to help him do his job. Of course he needs a motivator; it’s such an immoral, cruel, child-hating job, no-one could just do it for the money… “Look, do you think it’s easy locking children up and sending mentally-ill people off to […]
Melburnians are spending $15,000 funding a radio play written by accused criminals to explore their drug and alcohol addictions. The participants each received $500 cash and as much booze as they could carry. The scheme is a way of building self-confidence and helping the addicts find employment. Because there’s no shortage of positions for playwrights! […]
2 CENTS FOR YOUR SOUL Under the new IR laws, workers have been asked to sign away penalty rates, leave loading and rest breaks for a hefty 2 cents per hour compensation. John Howard says they are contributing to “the general health of the economy”. Although, being only 2 cents, it’s mainly contributing to the […]
New research suggests that human beings and chimps may have interbred for four million years before finally separating genetically. Humans and chimps getting it on – that’s disgusting! Baboons are so much sexier… It’s their shiny blue inflatable arses that do it for me. Chimps and humans are said to have exchanged genes for up […]