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Good News Week

The fleeing of the bodybuilders (GNW 1/6/09: Strange But True)

After a spate of positive drug tests in Belgium, the Belgian championships had been moved to the Netherlands. But when the doping officials identified themselves during the weigh-in, the bodybuilders all got up and left. And as word spread, the crowd fled too. When the doping officials arrived, the bodybuilders all left. But it wasn’t […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (GNW 1/6/09: closing)

Tuesday, June 02 Tomorrow is Italy’s National Day! It’s being held in Rome, so is extremely easy to get to – just follow any road… Tomorrow Italy’s “National Day” will be celebrated, like it is every year, by everyone putting on a blue singlet and stubbies, eating some vegemite on toast, and dropping that silly […]

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Good News Week

Cincinnati Superheroes (GNW 25/5/09: monologue)

The streets of Cincinnati are being patrolled by an Allegiance of Heroes, costumed vigilantes who carry handcuffs, pepper spray and tasers. Since they don’t actually have any superpowers. The streets of Cincinnati are being patrolled by an Allegiance of Heroes, costumed vigilantes who carry handcuffs, pepper spray and tasers. Unlike the supervillains, who carry flick-knives, […]

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Good News Week

Colour-in 9-11 (GNW 25/5/09: monologue)

The American Federal Emergency Management Agency has removed a children’s colouring book from its website after complaints over pictures of the September 11 attacks. Frankly, it trivialises the memories of the dead to have the attacks reduced to outline form. Because if kids are going to be exposed to terrorist attacks, it’s best that it’s […]

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Good News Week

Formal Lust (GNW 25/5/09: What’s the Story?)

A 17-year-old at an Ohio Christian school faces suspension for going to his girlfriend’s formal. In fact it wasn’t going to the formal so much as the fact that he had a girlfriend. A 17-year-old at an Ohio Christian school faces suspension for going to his girlfriend’s formal. And fair enough – you know what […]

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Good News Week

Sexting (GNW 25/5/09: What’s the Story?)

NSW police have warned teenagers about the dangers of sending nude photos of yourself on mobile phones. Apparently, the danger is that people will be able to see photos of you naked. Not rocket science, I would’ve thought. NSW police have warned teenagers about the dangers of sending nude photos of yourself on mobile phones, […]

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Good News Week

Punching Teachers (GNW 25/5/09: 3 1/2 Corners)

A school in China is helping ease students’ tensions by letting them lay into punching bags dressed up like their teachers. Except for the punching bags, it’s similar to the relaxation techniques used several years ago in Columbine High. Chinese school children are being encouraged to relieve stress by punching sandbags covered in pictures of […]

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Good News Week

Turban Helmets (GNW 25/5/09: Up-cut)

In the UK, Sikh police officers want the force to develop bullet-proof turbans so they can join gun & riot squads. Fully Sikh! It will be particularly useful for inner-city riots. It’s an urban disturbin’ turban. They also want to be armed with more destructive weaponry. They want to be able to Sikh and Destroy. […]

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Good News Week

Financial Crisis Tour (GNW 25/5/09: Up-cut)

A former vice-president at Deutsche Bank has set up a Financial Crisis Tour of Wall Street. Unfortunately once he lost his job he found he didn’t actually have any skills of any use to anyone. A former vice-president at Deutsche Bank has set up a Financial Crisis Tour of Wall Street. It’s worth going just […]

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Good News Week

Boom in affairs (GNW 25/5/09: Strange But True)

Affairs are booming in the recession. There’s nothing more appealing than an illicit affair with someone who has no idea how much financial shit you’re in. / no idea of your real bank balance. After all, having an affair is one of the few activities left where you CAN pay with sexual favours. An American […]