American brothels have had a huge slump in business due to the oil crisis. Turns out blokes don’t need sex as badly as they need petrol to get there. The price of crude, stops ‘em getting rude. All over America blokes who are no longer able to afford to get their rocks off, are instead […]
Category: Good News Week
Tues, July 29 Tomorrow sees the release of a national survey of adult oral health. Apparently it’s healthier if you spit. Toothpaste, people, toothpaste. Tomorrow sees the release of a national survey of adult oral health. Needless to say, it’s an oral survey. Tomorrow is NASA’s 50th anniversary. In a statement to mark the occasion, […]
Some unusual news stories on TV this week. (Play “gulity” clip.) You can tell he was gulity. He had that gulity look in his eeys. Although the man has been found gulity, the judge is still finding it difficult to pass an appropriate sentence. Or even use the word “gulity” in an appropriate sentence. He’s […]
The NSW Government is trialling an in-car GPS system that cuts off fuel flow to engines when it detects the driver is speeding. And when it detects another driver is speeding, it automatically flips them the bird. / it automatically honks, flips them the bird, overtakes them, slows right down, gets out, and throws the […]
Vietnamese authorities are trying to find the owner of a Boeing 727 abandoned at Hanoi’s Noi Bai airport last year. I’m thinking of popping over and saying it’s mine. They also want to find the owner of the airport it’s been stranded on. If someone doesn’t own up soon, they’re going to have to ask […]
A London nightclub is about to open which will use the pounding of clubbers’ feet to generate electricity. Of course the most eco-friendly dancers will be those who avoid pirouettes and go the Zombie Stomp. If you want to be really eco-friendly, make sure you bring your jackhammer. If you want to be really eco-friendly, […]
Telstra are thinking of launching a sitcom based on the ad with the father telling his son that the Great Wall of China was used for keeping out rabbits. Huh! And they say Australia can’t make sitcoms! It’s sure to go ahead. They may only have two very vague characters, and 20 seconds worth of […]
President Bush is thinking of writing a memoir. He just needs to work out what all them squiggly wordy-symbol-things mean and he’ll get cracking. Bush reckons he can do all the drawings if someone can handle the rest. He says he’s always been an avid reader, and he’s read all the classics – everything from […]
Inner-city Sydney is seeing a boom in luxury pet products due to the rise in households with high incomes, no children and no taste. Many upmarket Sydneysiders are dressing their dogs up in designer clothes, sunglasses, and sometimes even fetish gear. Because upmarket Sydneysiders are, in general, twats. / really, really fucked. Dogs are now […]
Organisers are using a calendar of 12 hot priests to promote World Youth Day. Relax ladies, they’re gay – for the Lord. They may be hot, but only for Jesus. Please forgive me Father, for I’m about to sin… The priests know it’s not a sin to pose for photographs. They’ve been telling altar boys […]