Tues, May 06 The latest meeting of the Reserve Bank will confirm that people think they’re too boring, prompting them to replace the word “Reserve” with “Party Animal”. / rename themselves “Bank In-Your-Face”. Tomorrow’s Reserve Bank meeting will result in another interest rate rise due to inflation caused by the price of Budget dinners. Tomorrow […]
Category: Good News Week
A meeting of Environment Ministers on plastic bag use has ended in a division between South Australia, who want to phase them out, Victoria, who want to impose a levy, and Peter Garrett, who wants to prove he’s no longer a greenie. / who wants to prove that being Environment Minister comes with some sort […]
A meeting of Environment Ministers on plastic bag use has ended in a division between South Australia, who want to phase them out, Victoria, who want to impose a levy, and Peter Garrett, who wants to prove he’s no longer a greenie. / who wants to prove that being Environment Minister comes with some sort […]
A Brisbane man is selling the right side of his face as advertising space and will work for whichever company wins the bid to permanently tattoo his bald head. And I will swear to evermore buy the products of any company that wins the bid and asks him to tattoo a penis. But the guy […]
A 4.5 metre crocodile, dubbed Croczilla, was captured lurking near a Cape York Peninsula school. Or, as the croc thinks of it, “an all-you-can-eat buffet”. / “a restaurant”. / “the best butcher in town”. The croc they caught is 4.5 metres long and weighs 500 kilos – and you should see the one that got […]
A surgeon has devised a way to add up to 5cm to a person’s height by inserting a silicone head implant. Because a huge deformed forehead is an excellent way to draw attention away from how short you are. If you’re not tall enough, you can now get a head-implant shoved in between your skull […]
One in five scientists have admitted using performance-enhancing prescription drugs to “improve concentration”. And another two in five use non-prescription drugs to “numb the boredom”. One in five scientists have admitted using drugs to “improve concentration”. And the other four use them to “get fucked up”. / “get high.” / “blow their minds”. Most of […]
Dubai’s crown prince has paid a record US$2.7 million for the world’s most beautiful camel. It’s worth it for the humping. It may well be the most beautiful camel in the world, but it’s still a fuckin camel. Dubai’s crown prince has paid a record US$2.7 million for the world’s most beautiful camel. And the […]
Australians are increasingly seeing their doctors for depression and anxiety caused by news about climate change. Remember, for every centimetre the sea levels rise, sixty-two species become extinct and nine hundred people go loopy. Rather than worrying about climate change and getting depressed, people should take positive action and kill themselves. Climate change can look […]
Tues, April 29 And on Tuesday, 238 years after Captain James Cook dropped his anchor in Botany Bay, several snorklers will find it. Jackie Kelly’s husband and other Liberal Party members involved in the fake election flyer scandal will do a listening tour of Sydney’s courts. In Sydney, disgraced Liberals will appear in court over […]