Sports Minister Kate Ellis announced a new program where Olympic athletes will have blood and urine tests stored in a deep freeze tank for up to 8 years. Depending on how thirsty she gets. And you should see her frozen poo collection! And after the 8 years, she plans to sell them on eBay. Eventually, […]
Category: Good News Week
In Chelles, east of Paris, police arrived at a bus station to find about 100 girls aged between 14 and 17 engaged in a fierce battle with knives, screwdrivers, sticks and teargas. Several of their boyfriends were nearby, hiding behind their manbags. And you should see the carnage if two of the girls wear the […]
A Swiss company has produced a new food ideal for hikers – a cheeseburger in a can. Well, at least it’s better than McDonalds. Well, your chances of coming across a drive-thru in the forest are pretty slim. To compete, McDonalds are now thinking of offering a new “hike-thru” service. At long last, when you […]
Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe celebrated his 84th birthday at a huge election rally. The bash cost three trillion Zimbabwe dollars, the equivalent of almost $300,000 Aussie dollars when the deal was struck. Although (check watch) now it’s worth about fiddy cents. With his country suffering 100,000 percent inflation, Robert Mugabe has spent three trillion Zimbabwe […]
Victorian police want to issue permits for all under-age parties. They never get to hang out with the cool kids. Victorian police want to issue permits for all under-age parties. They wanna know where all the hot school-girls hang out. / They wanna know where they can palm off a few grams of leaf as […]
Brendan Nelson’s popularity drops to 7% – the only people who like him now is his mum and three guys from the Klan. Brendan Nelson’s popularity drops to 7%, due to China’s ban on make-believe monsters. Because of his low popularity, Brendan Nelson says he’s “the underdog” – the mangy incontinent underdog with rabies. After […]
The Opposition have accused Kevin Rudd of forming committees rather than making decisions, saying he’d formed 25 committees in his first hundred days of office. Rudd immediately said he’d look into it, forming the Committee Committee. / Rudd established a committee to look into it. / Rudd immediately formed another 25 committees to look into […]
Alcohol ads should be banned before 9pm, says Family First Senator Steve Fielding. Of course, he was very drunk at the time… Family First senator Steve Fielding wants to ban alcohol advertising on TV before 9pm. What, even on weekends? Senator, that’s unAustralian! Family First senator Steve Fielding wants to ban daytime alcohol ads, sex […]
Kevin Rudd and Brendan Nelson have agreed on an 18 month pay freeze for all Parliamentarians. It’s all very well for Rudd to freeze his salary when he just got a $100,000 raise for becoming PM. Plus the enormous raise in POWER. Kevin Rudd and Brendan Nelson have agreed on an 18 month pay freeze […]
A group of students is lobbying to be allowed to carry guns to protect themselves against campus gunmen. Honestly, these people are stupid and must be killed. Hey, that gives me an idea… They also believe everyone who doesn’t carry a weapon should be terminated. It’s for their own good. Bush approves. It’s like a […]