Cops in Budapest are taking ballet lessons. Not only will the lessons develop their muscle strength and make their movements more graceful, but it enables passersby to clearly see the outline of their penises. Since they’ve started the lessons, there’s been a marked increase in the apprehension of criminal swans. While it does make traffic […]
Category: Good News Week
A 15 year old Adelaide student has proven that fish have memories of at least six days, contrary to the rumour that their memories were three seconds. Huh, as if they could survive with… only a… Sorry, what was I talking about? Goldfish have released a press release, saying “it’s about time our memory was […]
Lleyton and Rove complained that the magazine just make things up. And then, according to the Womans’ Weekly, they went off and had a drug-crazed sexy nightclub romp with the Olsen Twins – and gained 10 kilos! Rove McManus and Lleyton Hewitt have accused Women’s Day of making up stories about them. Apparently they never […]
Keira Knightley has revealed she had her boobs painted on for her buxom role in Pirates of the Caribbean. She’s actually a man. / And they digitally removed nearly all of her cock. / And they digitally removed her five-o’clock-shadow. Make-up artists also did a great job of concealing her beard. Not only did Keira […]
A song audible only to dogs has topped New Zealand record charts. Not to suggest that New Zealanders are unusually close to their dogs. They just prefer a bit of quiet time. / It’s just a nice break from all the sheep. The song can’t be heard by humans, which is just as well – […]
Tues, March 4 The outcome from latest meeting of the Reserve Bank will be that they’re still a buncha bankers. The Reserve Bank will make another decision on interest rates. Pray they don’t raise them, or mortgage stress will hit hard, and MPs might have to lose the limo. The Texas & Ohio presidential primaries […]
The Libs are going on a “listening tour” around Australia, to find out what Australians really want. Some would say it’s a little late… / Well, we know what Australians want, and it’s not them. / I think Australians made it pretty clear what they wanted at the last election… The Libs are going on […]
Video messages from Osama bin Laden & other al-Qaeda leaders can now be downloaded to your mobile phone. Notifications can be received via alert tone, vibrate or explosion. It also acts as a deterrent for using your mobile while driving. The messages are low quality but are excellent for setting off remote bombs. al-Qaeda is […]
Los Angeles officials are thinking of adopting a law which means an 18 metre “personal safety bubble” must be created around particular superstars, to keep them safe from the paparazzi. And it’s 18 kilometres for paparazzi with a zoom lens. Of course, their therapists and drug-dealers have to stay inside the bubble. The idea would […]
British TV producers and linguists are despairing at a new accent creeping into the Queen’s English: Aussie strine. In fact the Queen herself was recently heard to comment “We are not taking the piss.” As the Queen said, “It’s a bloody disgrace.” Englanders are changing their accent, perhaps due to Aussie soap-operas. The major changes […]