What is Don Bradman best known for?
A) scaring small children
B) hitting leather balls with sticks
C) hitting small children with sticks
What did Don Bradman hit with sticks?
A) denim balls
B) leather balls
C) testicles
What was “Phar Lap”?
A) a condition caused by too many lap-dances
B) a horse
C) Phar Kew’s brother
What is “Phar Lap”?
A) a very tall horse
B) a very slow horse
C) a very dead horse
The horse Phar Lap had an unusually large what?
A) heart
B) jockey
C) I.Q.
A “pav” is what?
A) Aussie slang for “feminine hygiene product”
B) Aussie slang for “prostitute”
C) Aussie slang for “meringue-based dessert”
What did the “swagman” put into his “tuckerbag” near the “billabong”?
A) A “pokemon”
B) A “jumbuck”
C) A “coolabah tree”
What’s a “billabong”?
A) Someone who is way too stoned
B) A much smaller “bucket bong”
C) A small lake. That you could probably use as some sort of really big bucket bong.
Who’s Banjo Patterson?
A) A fingerpickin’ bluesman from the 40’s
B) The author of “The Man From Snowy River”
C) A Queenslander who owns the world’s largest banjo / world’s largest banjo collection.
What’s a “lager-phone”?
A) Another name for Warnie’s mobile
B) What Russell Crowe throws at journalists
C) An instrument made largely of the tops of beer bottles.
What is Vegemite actually made of?
A) sheep dip
B) beer waste product
C) prawn poo
Who married Charlene?
A) Scott
B) Snot
C) Spaz
Who married Charlene?
D) Fatso
E) Scott
F) Jason Donovan
What was Con the Fruiterer’s most famous catchphrase?
A) Norda Melbin and Foodisgray!
B) Cuppla days, duzzen matter!
C) I’m a big fat wog! Hilarious! / I’m a fat white man taking the piss out of minority groups!
What was the stump-jump plough used for?
A) Culling kangaroos, or as they were once known, “stump-jumps”.
B) Ploughing fields containing stumps, thereby protecting their machinery and saving the expense of having to remove each stump.
C) Sorry, I’ve fallen asleep.
A Skippy is:
A) A derogatory term for a white Aussie.
B) A crime-solving kangaroo.
C) Both.
What does it mean to “come the raw prawn”?
A) To ejaculate uncooked seafood.
B) To ejaculate into uncooked seafood.
C) To treat someone like a fool. Potentially by doing B) to their crabsticks when they’re not looking.
What is an Anzac?
A) A soldier massacred on a Turkish beach.
B) A delicious oat and coconut biscuit.
C) Both.
Culling our nation emblem, the kangaroo, is done for what reason?
A) To keep their numbers down
B) To keep kangaroo-cullers in business / To give farmers something to do while they sit on their fat arses living on handouts from the Government
C) Just to piss off animal-lovers / Just to see the looks in tourists’ faces when Skippy goes “bang”. / If you’re lucky enough, you might just get a British backpacker.
Where should you shove your foreign customs?
A) Up your arse.
B) Up your date.
C) Up there Cazaly.
In 1563, when Genghis Khan discovered Australia, what was the first thing he said upon meeting the local Indians?
A) “We come in peace”
B) “Can I borrow a cup of sugar?” / “Take me to your leader”
C) “I’m not that dumb Paul, give me some points you bastard.”
What does it mean to “chuck a spaz”?
A) Take a slash. / Crack the shits.
B) Do your ‘nana. / Chuck a wobbly.
C) Vomit up a mentally-handicapped person. / To participate in mentally-handicapped dwarf-tossing.
Who’s the best singer in the world?
A) Barnsey
B) Farnsey
C) Please, don’t make me choose.
What should immigrants do when they get to Australia?
A) Assimilate
B) Assimirate
C) Just get fucked.
What does “Carn The Pies” mean?
1) “Cover the pies in tomato sauce”
2) “Search through the meat inside the pies just to make sure there’s no mouse-heads”
3) “Go magpies go”.
Wops, Eye-ties, Dagos, Abbos, Ching Chongs, Septics, Krauts, Frogs, and Whinging Poms are what:
A) All welcome in this wide brown land
B) Important parts of a multicultural Australia
C) Out-dated and racist epithets that certainly aren’t used anymore in our modern free-thinking society. Right Pauline?
