Australians are increasingly seeing their doctors for depression and anxiety caused by news about climate change. Remember, for every centimetre the sea levels rise, sixty-two species become extinct and nine hundred people go loopy.
Rather than worrying about climate change and getting depressed, people should take positive action and kill themselves.
Climate change can look like an impossible thing to solve. But maybe if we all get depressed enough, we can commit mass suicide and solve the problem for good!
Rather than getting depressed, people should take positive action on climate change, like refusing to use their car, and turning off the heating and all the lights. That’ll cheer you up! / Coz nothing’s more cheery than a cold, dark, empty house.
The recent Earth Hour cause a spike in depression, both from those who spent the time contemplating climate change, and those who discovered too late they didn’t have any candles. / and those who couldn’t find the light switch afterwards.
If climate change is depressing you, I suggest a trip to the beach now that it’s still warm in April.
This news is bound to make people even more depressed. It’s a negative feedback loop even worse than the melting of the ice caps! OH NO!
An estimated 60,000 people per year die from climate-change-related natural disasters. But at least it cures their depression.
An estimated 60,000 people per year die from climate-change-related natural disasters. And the carbon emissions from their decomposing corpses are just adding to the greenhouse effect!
An estimated 60,000 people per year die from climate-change-related natural disasters. But the overpopulation problem seems to be getting better…
An estimated 60,000 people per year die from climate-change-related natural disasters. But if they’re natural disasters… weren’t they going to happen anyway?
It’s resulted in a whole new youth subculture – the eco-emo. They slit their wrists for the rainforests. / They want to die so the world can live.
By 2020, Australians will be suffering increased rates of heat-stress, allergic diseases, and depression, as well as sunnier skies, warmer oceans, and more delicious ice-creams. It’s a double-edged sword.
Doctors say climate change should be treated as a health issue, as it can cause medical problems such as depression, anxiety, and being dumped by a 40 metre tsunami. / broken bones from being thrown about by a 40 metre tsunami.
Doctors say climate change should be treated as a health issue. So they’re going to give us antibiotics and hope for the best.
Doctors say climate change should be treated as a health issue. So we’re going to spend most of our time waiting, only to eventually be told to take some aspirin and try to get some sleep.
Doctors say climate change should be treated as a health issue. Looks like the Earth’s actually got malaria. / a fever. / gonorrhoea. / a bad dose of the clap.
Doctors want climate change to be treated as a health issue, because as an environmental issue, it’s stuffed.
It’s a mental health issue – if we can’t fix climate change, maybe we can just make people less depressed about it! / if we can’t fix climate change, we’d better find a way to make people less depressed about it.
So, not only is the climate changing because of the waste big businesses create, but now that very climate-change is making people anxious and depressed. Somewhere in a conference room in a huge shadowy chamber beneath the Earth, an Ancient Reptilian is licking its scaly lips – and laughing.
But the worst thing is that all of these hot heads about global warming warms the planet more! NOOOO!!
Not only is the climate irrevocably changing for the hotter, but there’s going to be a severe shortage those little suns that weathermen stick on a map when it’s going to be hot.
