A party-goer choked to death during a contest to see who could eat the most fairy cakes. But on the plus side, he won!
A party-goer choked to death on 5 fairy cakes during an eating competition. Poor guy, he didn’t even win. The winner choked to death on 7 fairy cakes.
The death was tragic, though good news for the guy who was coming second.
And so, small spongey confectionary claims yet another life.
Sure, they sound innocent, but so-called “fairy” foods can be deadly.
Sure, they sound innocent – but fairy-foods are often deadly to humans. / to people who aren’t fairies. / unless you’ve got protection from a fifth-level druid, or a +6 Potion of Health.
They were only holding the contest in the first place because no-one was touching the fairy cakes – and now we know why.
It turns out the fairy cakes had been possessed by the devil’s food cake.
Just goes to show, at any given moment you should never try to eat more than four servings of anything.
He figured he was safe, having swallowed five cupcakes previously, but he hadn’t counted on the impact of those little cakey fairy wings.
Detectives are investigating the death and plan to interview other guests present at the café – it wouldn’t be the first time when five fairy cakes down a throat was a sign of murder most heinous. / a sign of nothing less than cold-blooded murder. / It wouldn’t be the first murder-by-fairy-cake.
Staff and guests tried to clear his blocked airways, but eventually decided it was just better to let the dumb bastard die.
It was what he would’ve wanted. Heaven has an endless supply of angel cakes.
The guy was just overconfident from too much fairydust.
Not only did the man choke to death, but his death-spasms totally killed the mood at the kiddies’ party.
Worst of all, all the kiddies just clapped and shouted “Again! Again!” / “Encore!” / “Whoo!”
It was a tough gig for the clown who was just about to go on. / Tough gig for the clown up next.
So they just strung him up and used him as a fairy-cake piñata. Yay!
Shame it killed him, but at least they got rid of some of those dodgy fairy cakes.
He didn’t realise you were supposed to chew them.
His big mistake was forgetting to swallow.
First rule of fairy cake eating contests: no matter how vile they taste, swallow.
He choked when five of the cakes became lodged in his throat. So remember kids, no more than four, then swallow.
They’ve launched an advertising campaign: rethink your fifth cake.
In the end it wasn’t the fairycakes that got him – it was the love-muffins. / honeybuns. / cutiepies.
The man has had a number of close shaves before. Last year, he nearly killed himself on a deadly cocktail of love-muffins, honeybuns, and cutiepies.
Poor guy: he never got to try the leprechaun-steak.
But fairy cakes have choked many people over the years. And, ironically, no-one has ever choked to death on werewolf strudel.
He’d earlier had a close call with fairy floss, but just as he was choking it all dissolved harmlessly.
There have been previous similar cases in the past: one man died choking on fairy floss, and another on fairy cock.
Poor man didn’t know: fairy-cakes are meant to be taken anally.
In the end it wasn’t the fairy cakes that got him – it was the Diet Pepsi he tried to wash it down with.
