UK prison psychologists are attempting to cure extremist Muslims of hardcore beliefs. They should try reverse psychology: “Looks like you guys have already won the war…” / “You know something really radical these days? Supporting Bush.”
UK prison psychologists are attempting to cure extremist Muslims of hardcore beliefs. They should try reverse psychology: “You know, what we really want is more suicide bombings.” / “There’s really nothing we hate more than sex, drugs and rock’n’roll.”
UK prison psychologists are attempting to cure extremist Muslims of hardcore beliefs. Which will be embarrassing if it turns out to be the one true religion. / if it turns out to be right.
UK prison psychologists are attempting to cure extremist Muslims of hardcore beliefs. And they’re pretty keen on getting those silly hats off Jews too. / And they also want to cure Hindus, Christians, Buddhists, Scientologists, and anyone else who doesn’t agree with them. / and anyone who doesn’t like psychology.
Not only are they trying to pull extremist Muslims out of violent jihads, but they’re trying to pull extremist Catholics out of altar boys.
But why all the focus on extremist Muslims? I mean, sure, extremist Zen Buddhists may not wage holy war, but they sure know how to meditate.
But why all the focus on extremist Muslims? What about that bloodthirsty Falun Gong?
But why all the focus on extremist Muslims? Extremist Yogis are much more dangerous – after all, when you’re trying to torture them on the bed of nails, they fall asleep. / it’s hard to torture someone who’s used to relaxing on a bed of nails. / a water-board’s nothing for a guy who’s used to a bed of nails.
They’re trying to deprogram them using therapies like those they use for cult members. Although deprogramming doesn’t work on the most hardcore, high-profile extremists, like Tom Cruise.
Extremist Islam basically is a cult, but with a bonus suicidal twist!
Not only are extremists being “deprogrammed”, but are being “reprogrammed” to serve drinks and clean the kitchen.
It’s great having people like that in prison. Not only have they worked out how to “deprogram” extremists, but they’ve taught the wardens how to program the VCR. / program the digital PVR.
Unfortunately the deprogramming doesn’t work on hardcore extremists. For those, you need to totally reboot.
One method is simply kicking the prisoner until they recant. Or, as the reprogramming experts prefer to call it, “rebooting”.
Of course a suicide bombing is the ultimate form of deprogramming. Wipes your whole memory.
Muslims are now seen as cool in jail. Yep, and Guantanamo is the new swinging centre of hipdom.
Muslims are now seen as cool in jail, which might be why so many are trying to get there.
Muslims are now seen as “cool” in jail. Because there’s nothing cooler in a maximum security prison than a dude in a beard reading an old book.
Muslims are now seen as “cool” in jail. But mainly because, in prison, a man who bends over 5 times a day is easy pickin’s. / because, when a man has to bend over 5 times a day, you don’t have to wait until shower-time.
Extremist Muslims are now seen as cool in jail, possibly due to their inner peace, unflappable demeanour, and steely determination to massacre innocents.
Muslims are now seen as cool in jail, so if they have their suicide mission thwarted they might not get their heavenly virgins, but at least they’ll get plenty of anal rape. / plenty of attention in the showers.
They’re hoping to cure extremist Muslims of hardcore beliefs and leave them with regular wishy-washy religious ones.
The deprogramming techniques can be psychologically traumatic. No-one wants to hear that Heaven’s run out of virgins!
Some terrorists are can’t be deprogrammed of the belief that they’ll get 72 virgins if they die in jihad. So the psychologists turn to alternative techniques, trying to convince them that there’s a good reason they’re virgins – they’re all ugly.
About 150 prison imams will use their knowledge of the Koran to challenge extremist beliefs and religious justification for violence, and replace them instead with non-violent unsubstantiated hogwash.
Prison imams will challenge prisoners’ use of the Koran to justify violence. Though some prisoners are choosing to reject the Koran and keep the violence. / Though for many of them that was the best bit!
Extremists of all sorts are being “deprogrammed”. Extreme Muslims are being turned away from Jihad, extreme Christians are learning not to support “intelligent design”, and extreme sportsmen are being shown how to knit. / are being turned onto crochet. / are being given little sewing kits.
