Robert Mugabe could become the world’s first dictator to be ousted by being voted out.
Well there you go. It’s like an armed revolution, only done by voting. / Who’d’ve thought an election could be the perfect bloodless coup?
Mugabe’s disappointed: whatever happened to good old-fashioned armed revolution?
Mugabe’s disappointed: he was hoping to be dragged through the streets before eventually being beaten to death and hung up in the town square. He’s such a sentimental guy. / He’s so very nostalgic. / He’s got a soft-spot for the good-old-days, our Mugabe.
Mugabe has been defeated in the recent election, which will mean his next three years of power is going to require some fancy explainin’. Or a large armed guard.
Mugabe is reluctant to hand over power, claiming it’s not really the traditional dictator’s way. He’d rather be shot, hanged, or run out of town tarred and feathered.
Mugabe has conceded defeat in the Zimbabwe elections. But his latest press release does say “Yeah, well, I didn’t even want to win anyway, nyeur.”
Mugabe has lost the Zimbabwe elections. But, just like every other year, that won’t necessarily affect the outcome.
Mugabe has lost the Zimbabwe elections. Just like every other time.
Mugabe has conceded defeat in the Zimbabwe elections. But he plans to continue on as leader, ruling under something he calls “the Dubya Bush principle”.
Mugabe has lost the Zimbabwe elections. Just like Dubya Bush did.
Apparently Mugabe has already confided to his friends and family that he’s already lost the election. And, when they agreed with him, he had them all killed./ he set fire to their houses.
Opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai delayed announcing that he had won outright, possibly leading to a run-off election between the two candidates. It’s hard to find a new dictator that doesn’t want to put the old dictator in front of a firing squad.
Mugabe’s Deputy Information Minister said that their party had “only applied 25% of our energy into this campaign” and that a runoff Presidential election “is when we are going to unleash the other 75%”. That’s right – they’ll unleash a persuasive campaign of informative beatings and torture!
The ZANU-PF party said that they only put 25% of their energy into the campaign, focussing too much on personalities and policy and not enough on bashings.
The ZANU-PF party said that they only put 25% of their energy into the campaign, focussing too much on personalities and policy and not enough on dirt, and putting people under it.
The ZANU-PF party said that they spent too much time focusing on personalities and policy, and not enough on getting dirt on the opposition – and stamping it down. / about 6 foot’s worth.
Intense negotiations are underway to persuade Mugabe to exit gracefully after 28 years in power. The opposition suggest he wears a tutu. (The Archbishop disagrees.)
Mugabe’s government are now desperately trying to persuade Mugabe to exit gracefully. The opposition don’t care how he exits.
Not only might the election go to a runoff, but it’s likely to go to a killoff too. / but it’s likely to go to a run-off-with-your-loved-ones-and-torture-them too.
Mugabe plans to have a runoff – a runoff with all his loot before he gets kicked out of office.
Mugabe is worried that the election will go to a runoff. The opposition are worried that Mugabe might runoff with most of the treasury.
Poor Mugabe. His shameful defeat leaves him with just a billion zillion dollars to his name.
But even if Mugabe won, he’d be facing a hostile parliament. Though admittedly not by his standards.
Morgan Tsvangirai has pledged to bring inflation down into the low 90,000s.
Mugabe’s latest press release says “Ha ha! It’s reverso day – I actually won the election! Got you all a beauty!”
Mugabe refuses to concede total defeat. “Hey, at least I got to trash the place!”
Mugabe refuses to concede total defeat. “You never know, there might be some sort of terrible accident, where the leader of the opposition trips and falls onto a volley of bullets.” / where Morgan Tsvangirai trips and falls into a room full of people who happen to be savagely beating the air with cudgels.” / where Morgan Tsvangirai trips and falls onto genital electrodes.”
Not only has Mugabe claimed that he actually won the election, but he also insists he is a white female pole-dancer.
And so a seemingly invincible despot has been defeated by someone who seems quite reasonable by comparison. Zimbabwe, we know how you feel. / Sound familiar?
First Howard, then Musharref, now Mugabe… anyone feeling that maybe this democracy thing seems to be working at last?
Mugabe and Tsvangirai may now contest a 1-on-1 run-off election for the presidency. While opposition party members were made to eat their own posters in the first election campaign, this time they’ll have to eat whole posts.
Mugabe has told his family, close advisers, army, police and intelligence chiefs that he’s lost the election. And to put Plan B into operation.
Mugabe has told his family, close advisers, army, police and intelligence chiefs that he’s lost the election, so they’re all very busy filling out voting slips.
Mugabe has told his close advisers, army, police and intelligence chiefs that he’s lost the election, and so it’s time he became a proper dictator.
