Spring is here! And with it, the brutal head-wounds of divebombing birds! Run for your wingless lives! It’s nothing personal. It’s just payback for all the chopped-down trees. / payback for global warming. It’s part of their campaign of shock and “awwwgh” (crow sound). Birds might look cute, but then they do their bombing runs. […]
Chiko Rolls are looking for the next Chiko Chick. Unfortunately the old ones have all died of heart disease. It’s a great job if you’ve always wanted to be on mechanics’ walls in the 70s. The main jobs will be to wear denim, pose suggestively with a Chiko roll, and draw people’s attention to the […]
To distance themselves from all their players, the NRL are considering changing their name. It’s kinda like Hitler shaving his moustache and calling himself Herman. The idea is, rather than ditching all the violent drunks and drug-addled losers, they’ll just call the whole thing a different name. Because, without the violent drunks and drug-addled losers, […]
Disney has taken over Marvel Comics. Soon, it will be coming for YOU. Marvel cost Disney 4.7 billion US dollars. But it was worth it for a copy of Spiderman Issue 1. Finally, our chance to see Spiderman versus Mickey! GO SPIDERMAN! / It’s about time someone took that talking mouse down. / Let’s see […]
Britain’s most prestigious science body has published a report on “Plan B” options to avoid catastrophic climate change. Not to avoid it happening. More to avoid the catastrophic climate. Space mirrors! Giant sunshades! Artificial forests! Thank goodness we’re cutting down on our industrial activity. It’s the first significant study of “Plan B” options. Then there’s […]
To make for a spotless celebration of the Communist Party’s 60th Anniversary, Beijing authorities have announced plans to eliminate all pests: mosquitos, rats, flies, cockroaches, and monks. / foreign media. Unlike Chairman Mao’s 1958 Four Pests campaign, this will only be carried out by specialists. Because obviously the amateurs didn’t get it right! Unlike Chairman […]
A study of the Taliban has revealed they are less like a group of Islamic crusaders and more like the mafia depicted in “The Sopranos”. So they’re inept, infighting, backstabbing and psychologically insecure – should be a piece of piss to defeat them! A study of the Taliban has revealed they are less like a […]
According to a new survey commissioned by McDonald’s, Australians are eating like pigs. As well as eat-in, take-away, and drive-thru, the chain will now be offering the Trough. Is it any surprise that we eat like pigs, when we’re eating swill like McDonald’s? Table manners? Why would Australians suddenly develop manners for the table when […]
Two pieces of footage have turned up from Poland appearing to show a yeti – in one of them, spying on a bikini-clad bather. And now we know, it’s not just his feet that are big. I’m terrified of Yetis! Not just their gruesome, hairy appearance and brutal strength, but their incredible power to ruin […]
Monday, September 21 Kevin Rudd turns 52, which in anyone’s language is a fair old shake of the sauce bottle. Kevin Rudd will turn 52! He’s looking forward to tucking into his big birthday cake made of earwax. Kevin Rudd will turn 52! He’s going to get Peter Garret to jump out of a yellow […]