Warwick Holt - Media EmpireAustralia is looking for a new slogan, logo or image to market ourselves to the world. We’re much more than a nation of great people and great places, according to Trade Minister Simon Crean. We’re also extremely humble. Crean wants something that doesn’t just concentrate on the great people or the great places. Guess he […]
The ACT is banning fireworks. Now if you’re in Canberra and you want a bang, you’ll have to rely on porn. There are now so many restrictions, they’re thinking of renaming it Can’tberra. It’s like there’s virtually no reason for pyromaniacs to run for Parliament. / But now that there’s no incentives for pyromaniacs to […]
The Nimbin Hemp Embassy attempted to gain the attention of the Prime Minister with a 10-metre inflatable joint. Unfortunately in Nimbin, that just blended right in. When they approached Mr Rudd with the giant doobie, he had no idea what it was. He only ever sucks down bucket bongs. They shouldn’t be approaching Mr Rudd […]
Scientists are suggesting placing magnets alongside fishing hooks to repel grey nurse sharks and help save them. Hooray! We’re saving the endangered sharks! Help! Once they work out how to repel sharks with magnets, they’re going to work on repelling box jellyfish with reef-knots and woggles. Unfortunately if you use the wrong polarity magnet, you’ll […]
The man known as the father of reconciliation, Patrick Dodson, is calling for a new dialogue between indigenous & non-indigenous Australians, saying the current conversation isn’t working. They keep saying “hello?” and we keep saying “talk to the hand”. The man known as the father of reconciliation, Patrick Dodson, has called for a new dialogue […]
Bob Dylan is in negotiations to voice a satellite navigation system. Every journey is like a whole new Dylan album! It’s just like a Dylan album, but without the pretence of melody, instrumentation or arrangement. / the pretence of songwriting. / the pretence of actually being able to sing, play harmonica, or write sentences that […]
Spain held its annual tomato-throwing festival, La Tomatina. It’s just like bullfighting – but the gore’s fake! / but the gore’s vegetarian! It’s bullfighting for vegetarians! It’s a Spanish sport, so something has to die, even if it’s just fruit. It’s the only festival where tens of thousands of sweaty men look so appetising. Hecklers […]
A psychiatrist has declared that Schapelle Corby has gonme insane. She’s suffering hallucinations, fantasies and bizarre delusions. It’s just like before they took the drugs away. She’s not insane. She’s just found her boogie board. / having a bit of fun on her boogie board. Top psychiatrist, Associate Professor Jonathon Phillips, made the report on […]
Star Trek has boldy gone where it never has before – into the strange new world of perfumes. It’s perfume, but not as we know it. The Vulcan scent is plain water. Mixing it with any other smells just seems illogical. / Trying to smell like something you’re not is just illogical. You can also […]
In Costa Rica, a man has nursed a crocodile back to health swimming, playing and even sleeping beside the 5-metre-long reptile. It’s either a remarkable story of cross-species bonding, or a complete crock. The pair became friends when Chito rescued the crocodile after finding him close to death with a bullet in his eye. Now, […]