Hello readers, or spambots or whoever’s looking this way. According to the logs, there still seem to be tens of thousands of you per month, so I apologise to any actual humans who have been checking back here on a regular basis in the hope of seeing some new content. Those of you who are […]
Back from the dead
Well it has been a bloody long time since I’ve posted here. Sorry about that, old chums. So here’s an update about goings-on at The Empire. Since August, I’ve been working at The Project as a writer and web producer, which means running the content on their web site, as well as writing possible jokes […]
Greetings, browsers of the “Internet”, Well the most exciting news of our career thus far is finally out in the open, so here it is. Bruce is “under development” with the ABC. See here or here for UNDENIABLE PROOF! So we’re heads down with our little creative team to make the final case that this […]
It was all happening in our quiet little corner of the world. Dictatorship in Fiji, anti-govt riots in Thailand, terrorist training camps in Indonesia, recession in Japan, missile tests in North Korea, a new cold war between China & the U.S., & right next to it all… us! The Indian-bashing, Sri […]
Prime Minister Kevin Rudd makes an historic address at the U.N. General Assembly, an hour late to an empty room. It was Kevin’s big moment & no-one was there. Apart from a few New Zealanders making sheep noises. / doing armpit raspberries. The U.N. Assembly members were also upset at the delay. […]
Richard and Mayumi Heene, the parents of the hoax “balloon boy” Falcon Heene, will plead guilty to charges of making false reports and attempting to influence a public official. Falcon has agreed to drop charges of false imprisonment and psychological abuse. The balloon boy story gripped America for several hours with people so swept […]
A farmer has produced a skull he claims to be that of Ned Kelly. He refused to tell authorities where he got the skull, but if they pay up, he’ll give them Phar Lap and Bradman too. Wow! If this really is Ned Kelly’s skull, it will prove once and for all that […]
The Australian Drug Foundation has called for new penalties for adults found to be supplying drinks to boozing adolescents. Any adult giving a teen more than two standard drinks will be grounded. The ADF says one in three teenagers are binge-drinking at “harmful levels”, since that is, of course, the whole point. The ADF […]
And we were amazed at the political judgement & cunning of Malcolm Turnbull, who took a nothing story about Kevin Rudd’s old rust-bucket & turned it into… Ute-gate! Unfortunately Malcolm didn’t know quite enough about utes and got walloped by Tail-gate. And we were amazed at the political judgement & cunning of Malcolm Turnbull, […]
It’s been a tough year for the poor old bikies. One moment of alleged unpleasantness at Sydney Airport, and suddenly it’s assumed they’re all violent, vengeful thugs. Whereas they insist they’re simply violent, vengeful citizens. Bikies insist that they are not the problem. There are just too many bollards around. (And […]