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Good News Week

Good Next Week (GNW 24/8/09: closing)

Tuesday, August 25 Kevin Rudd & his cabinet will meet the public in Port Macquarie, after a few bottles of Macquarie Port. Kevin Rudd & his cabinet will meet the public in Port Macquarie. Sounds wet. The National Country Music Muster will be held in Gympie, and the the Bondage and Discipline Sado-Muster will be […]

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Good News Week

Nationals want dry farms (GNW 17/8/09: monologue)

As the ALP & the Liberals raced to see who could reward the big polluters even more, the Nationals vowed to create a climate change policy of their own. In their one, we just set fire to pandas. As the ALP & the Liberals raced to see who could reward the big polluters even more, […]

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Good News Week

Collins class canned (GNW 17/8/09: monologue)

The Defence Dept. is calling for design submissions for the navy’s next generation of submarine, to replace its Collins Class boats. And this time, they’re even going to LOOK at them. Ah, the Collins Class – the underwater capability of a sack full of kittens, with the good looks of a dugong. But at least […]

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Good News Week

Party and lose wrinkles (GNW 17/8/09: monologue)

There were claims Australian GPs are hosting Botox parties for female patients. It may be a breach of ethics, but it sure reduces the seven signs of aging! The parties have door prizes donated by cosmetic surgery companies – and you should see the pinata! The parties have door prizes donated by cosmetic surgery companies, […]

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Good News Week

NReaLity (GNW 17/8/09: monologue)

The newest reality series? Find a new NRL star! The show will be called “NRL Dream”, as the NRL weren’t so rapt with the original title “MasterMoron”. / “MasterThug”. / “MasterMeathead”. / “MasterRapist”. The contestants have to abseil down a bridge, box Anthony Mundine, and pull an Airbus. Clearly, the makers of the show have […]

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Good News Week

Where’s Jacko buried? (GNW 17/8/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Michael Jackson is buried in an unmarked plot at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood. The exact location is being kept secret so fans don’t descend on the cemetery & damage or deface the grave. See – told you he wasn’t dead. Michael Jackson is buried in an unmarked plot at Forest Lawn Memorial Park […]

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Good News Week

New Aussie season (GNW 17/8/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Australia’s top botanist says Australia should dump the “European mentality” & make up our own seasons. I suggest we have just 2: “Beanies” and “Budgiesmugglers”. / “Indoors” and “Out”. Dr. Tim Entwhistle argues we have at least 5 seasons. So we should name them after the Daddos. Dr. Tim Entwhistle argues we have at least […]

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Good News Week

Don’t iPod and walk (GNW 17/8/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

N.S.W. police have warned pedestrians who listen to iPods or text while crossing the road that they could be fined or even jailed if they cause an accident. Because copping a fine will really teach them a lesson that being hit by a car didn’t. / Because jail time will teach you a lesson that […]

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Good News Week

Free and open imprisoned opposition (GNW 17/8/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Burma’s military leaders, the men who put the “junt” in junta, sentence democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi to a further 18 months of house arrest after yet another sham trial. Hello? Coalition of the Willing, anyone? HELLO?? It was a sham trial. Although, granted, at least the guns were real. Of course the elections […]

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Good News Week

Kim Jong-Spectac-il (GNW 17/8/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

100,000 North Koreans performed synchronised moves as part of the country’s biggest propaganda spectacle ever. It’s a Kim Jong-Spectac-il! 100,000 North Koreans performed synchronised moves as part of the country’s biggest propaganda spectacle ever. Even bigger than the spectacles he normally wears. So now, any job that requires thousands of people dancing will be completed […]