Tuesday, June 23 Tomorrow’s “Australian Social Worker Of The Year” awards will be announced in Perth. I guess they need the help. Tomorrow, the Australian Social Worker Of The Year awards will be announced. The TV rights are still available. / The action all begins on the threadbare carpet! / The perfect opportunity to wear […]
Tom Cruise is embarking on a recruitment drive for Australian Scientologists while spending four months in Melbourne. Doesn’t he know? In this country, we’d rather have a lamb roast. But when Tom is mentally manipulating people into joining Scientology, it’s not called “brainwashing”. It’s called “Cruise Control”. Cruise is hoping to dispel myths that Scientology […]
In Britain, an icy pole has been released in the shape of James Bond star Daniel Craig’s torso. Evil villains can at last give 007 a proper licking. “So, Mr Bond, you are helpless. Even if I decide not to bite off your head, you will still melt while out of the freezer. You will […]
Nadya Suleman, known as Octomum after giving birth to octuplets in January, has agreed to star in a reality TV show about her life. And for the second series, maybe she can have another fourteen kids. No US network has yet bought the series. Unfortunately, with fourteen children, they’re afraid the average viewer won’t be […]
A Parliamentary committee has recommended that obese Australians should be given free lap-band surgery to reduce their ongoing burden on the health system. Either that or a fatal injection. Well, the Government keeps telling us we have to tighten our belt. (Or, indeed, gastric band.) I guess when Ruddy tells us we’ve got to tighten […]
Scientists have found primate laughter patterns mirror the evolutionary tree, after studying the laughs of gorillas, chimpanzees, orang-utans and bonobos by tickling and playing little games with them. Although it appears someone had already stolen their nose. Scientists also tried spanking the monkeys, but that was after-hours. / only on the weekend. Intelligent design proponents […]
Kevin Rudd has responded to criticism that his ministry is too male by twice saying “fair shake of the sauce bottle”, and then used the phrase again in response to a question on economic data. Who knew Kev was so saucy? Kevin Rudd has responded to criticism that his ministry is too blokey by saying […]
A dog is a lucky survivor after attacking a pack of bronze whaler sharks in the middle of a feeding frenzy. But really, look at him, he’s all skin and bone. The sharks were acting a bit jumpy. In fact, they were so jumpy you could carve them. Ah, sharks. So chumpy you can carve […]
The German Patent Office is refusing to patent a Saudi invention of a GPS transceiver that could be implanted under the skin, allowing people to be tracked, and, in the advanced model, killed remotely. It’s like a take-away Auschwitz. Fantastic! Finally, a future where we can all be one computer malfunction away from a grisly […]
Vatican Radio is going to run commercials for the first time in its 78-year history. They would have done it sooner, but approval from the boss takes bloody ages to come through. Previously the only jingles allowed were of rosary beads. / were on the popular “Rosary Bead Hour”. “Radio P.O.P.E – ALL Latin, ALL […]