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Good News Week

Aliens aren’t actually aliens (Good News Week 9/3/09: Blow Up Your Pants)

World-renowned cosmologist Professor Paul Davies has called for the search for aliens to focus on a new planet: Earth. Not what most of us would call aliens perhaps, but then Professor Davies is originally from Betelgeuse. / Mars. World-renowned cosmologist Professor Paul Davies has called for the search for aliens to focus on the planet […]

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Good News Week

Dissolve-a-stiff (Good News Week 9/3/09: Blow Up Your Pants)

The funeral industry is looking at a new, environmentally-friendly way of method of disposing of cadavers, by chemically dissolving them. The process creates a dry bone residue, plus liquid remains which could be used as fertilizer. Alternatively, mix them together for a delicious soup. Unfortunately, in these days of water restrictions and drought, people will […]

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Good News Week

Naked hiking (Good News Week 9/3/09: Strange But True)

On-the-spot fines are now being issued to help stop a wave of Germans hiking naked in Switzerland. But then the Swiss Alps are notoriously balmy. It can get a bit cold in the Swiss Alps. So all the men hikers just claim shrinkage. And the women say the extreme cold keeps them perky. It was […]

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Good News Week

Pet Psychic (Good News Week 9/3/09: Strange But True)

A Romanian psychic has begun a service putting grieving pet owners in touch with their dead animals. What’s that Rover? “Woof”? / What’s that Kitty? “Meow”? One grieving pet owner say her communication was miraculous. “Meow” is just what Kitty used to say. If only she could communicate with animals that were still alive. Of […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 9/3/09: closing)

Tues, March 10 Tomorrow, the inquiry into the 2008 Freedom of Information Bill will report, and that’s the last we’ll hear of that. The inquiry into the 2008 Freedom of Information Bill will report. Although they’re not telling anyone where… Tomorrow, the inquiry into the 2008 Freedom of Information Bill will report, and if you […]

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Good News Week

And the big news? (Good News Week 2/3/09: monologue)

Hugh Jackman hosted the Oscars, singing & dancing & sitting on the laps of older men. Still channelling the spirit of Peter Allen, I see. One critic said he performed like “a cheesy cruise-ship entertainer”. Which explains why everyone was throwing up – they were just seasick. Hugh Jackman copped a caning from US critics […]

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Good News Week

Kid has Kid to Kid, or Potentially Other Kid (Good News Week 23/2/09: What’s the Story?)

In Britain, a 13 year old boy and a 15 year old girl have become parents, giving rise to a panic about British morals. That sort of behaviour is only really acceptable by the royal family. A 14 year old and 16 year old boy have also claimed to have had sex with the new […]

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Good News Week

Happycrats (Good News Week 2/3/09: What’s the Story?)

The Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations has spent almost a million dollars for bureaucrats to attend happiness workshops. Because it’s practically a given that if you’re in that department, you’re going to need cheering up. Unfortunately some previously perfectly happy employees felt upset at being sent on the workshop. What were they doing […]

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Good News Week

Turnbull and Costello agree on wording (Good News Week 2/3/09: A Thousand Words)

The Liberal Party continuing to self-immolate. Malcolm Turnbull laid to rest the nature of Peter Costello’s leadership ambition. “Peter and I have discussed it and we agreed that what I would say, and the position would be, literally, that he has made it clear that he was not interested in a frontbench or leadership role… […]

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Good News Week

Little Piggies (Good News Week 2/3/09: Animal Magnetism)

A Scottish zoo has bred four miniature pigs small enough to be household pets. Perfect for rolling around in your indoor puddle. The miniature pigs make perfect pets, and such cute little bacon. Little piggies! The perfect pet for the toeless. The pigs are perfect as companions, pets, and lunch. Not only are the pigs […]