Tues, Nov. 04 And tomorrow is the Melbourne Cup. I don’t know what the fuss is all about, really – if I wanted to see buck-toothed fillies run around in circles trying to be the best, I could go walk down Oxford St. Tomorrow, the race that stops the nation might be overshadowed by the […]
At the moment, Rudd is looking positively Presidential. Though not in the choking-on-a-pretzel, can’t-pronounce-nuclear, invading-random-countries way. But Rudd’s apparently fixing the economic crisis by cutting interest rates and stuffing our pockets with cash! What’s not to like? If only all wartime responses involved handing out bucketloads of loot! If economic crises mean interest rate cuts […]
Over 1000 complaints about the integrity of Australian Federal Police officers were made last financial year, almost half of them made by fellow officers. Turns out even the pigs hate the pigs. The AFP is generally very professional. It’s just a thousand or so bad apples spoiling the barrel. Over 1000 complaints about Australian Federal […]
Victorian Attorney-General Rob Hulls has announced a plan for teen judges, prosecutors and jurors to dispense justice to young offenders. Though they wouldn’t be allowed to pass any serious sentences, just Chinese burns and wedgies. / just sulky silences and cutting themselves. / but they would be allowed to gang up on the accused on […]
A new, virtual strip search machine is being trialled in Australian airports, which allows security staff to see travellers’ breasts and genitals. Although not their faces – that would be rude. People won’t be able to be recognised, as their faces will be blurred. Although there is still the chance that one of the operators […]
A Lebanese trade union is planning to sue Israel for claiming Arab cuisine as their own. They say Jews stealing other people’s foods and culture is just not kosher. Well if the Arabs don’t want the Jews to take their food, they shouldn’t have made it kosher. Looks like the next war in the Middle […]
The credit crunch and smoking ban have resulted in the revival of the dead art of snorting snuff! Unfortunately the habit is so little seen these days, it has caused some tragic accidents when some kids tried snorting snuff films. The new craze not only saves you money, but it means you don’t have to […]
A tiny Texan school has armed its teachers to protect students from crazed gunmen. Because as usual, the best way to prevent shootings is to stock up on guns. Because the only thing that could possibly be safer than kids with guns is teachers with guns. And, when the massacre happens, they can pick off […]
Two pigeons have been captured near an Iranian nuclear enrichment facility, and are being accused of being spies. They could tell they weren’t from nearby – all the local birds are hideously deformed. / are radioactive mutants. The Iranians know they’re spies. A little birdy told them. The pigeons are definitely spies. The Iranian’s undercover […]
British parents are disturbed by a children’s doll that appears to say “Islam is the light” and “Satan is King”. Hang on, is it meant to be Muslim or Satanic? Clearly this doll is religiously conflicted. / still spiritually immature. Parents are disturbed by a children’s doll that appears to say “Islam is the light” […]