The sack race has been given the sack and the three-legged race run out of town, with a British primary school dropping the events from a sports day to minimise risk. The egg-and-spoon race is still allowed, despite suggestions that it was unfair on the poor little eggs. / The egg-and-spoon race is still allowed […]
112 Beijing restaurants have been ordered to keep dog off their menus for the duration of the Olympics so as not to offend Westerners. But that’s why most Westerners go to China in the first place! 112 Beijing restaurants have been ordered to keep dog off their menus for the duration of the Olympics so […]
China’s Olympics organisers are primed to mobilise an army of up to 37,000 people to ensure that rain doesn’t ruin the opening ceremony. If rain looks like it’s threatening, they all look up at the clouds and blow. FFFFFFFFF! The Chinese Weather Modification Bureau has 37,000 personnel, 30 aircraft, and 6781 anti-aircraft guns. In case […]
Mon, August 04 Barack Obama turns 47. There’s no way he can be senile enough to be President. It’s 150 years since first game of Aussie rules, and 149 years since they decided it would be even better with a ball. / though back then it was more like Aussie no-rules. Tues, August 05 Tomorrow, […]
And the big news? Sharks! Friendly, lovable, cuddly sharks! The papers have been full of feel-good stories about the terror of the deep. For instance there was this shark that we humans saved… That’s the last time he’ll be swallowing a poledancer. They only had two choices really – either save the shark and pull […]
The government is launching a new advertising campaign to promote awareness of their Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme. Of course like all government advertising, the ads are 100% content-free. The Government has just launched its new emissions-trading information campaign. It’s a picture of a tree with the words “Emissions Trading Is Good”. Clearly the government has […]
A report has been released showing that Australian women are still subject to sexism and harassment, 25 years after such behaviour was outlawed. Sex Discrimination Commissioner Elizabeth Broderick will hand down the report just as soon as she’s done with the ironing. Well, that’s what you get if you let a woman become Sex Discrimination […]
The author of a new book on Batman estimates the cost of being a real-life Batman would be 308 million dollars. Though you could be Robin for a couple of thou. To be a real-life Batman, you’d need to be one of the world’s richest people. Or a master criminal! Lucky he’s actually multimillionaire Bruce […]
US Presidential candidate John McCain has admitted he never uses email and has to be shown websites. In fact he doesn’t even own a computator. / one of those adding machines. He says he doesn’t use the internet. In fact, he gave up interfishing years ago. It’s no big deal. The current president can’t even […]
In the UK, a Star Wars fan watched Revenge of the Sith instead of having a general anaesthetic during a double knee joint-replacement operation. Because when you see Anakin Skywalker burnt to a crisp after losing both legs and an arm, a bit of a dicky knee doesn’t seem so bad after all. Watching the […]