President Bush is thinking of writing a memoir. He just needs to work out what all them squiggly wordy-symbol-things mean and he’ll get cracking. Bush reckons he can do all the drawings if someone can handle the rest. He says he’s always been an avid reader, and he’s read all the classics – everything from […]
Inner-city Sydney is seeing a boom in luxury pet products due to the rise in households with high incomes, no children and no taste. Many upmarket Sydneysiders are dressing their dogs up in designer clothes, sunglasses, and sometimes even fetish gear. Because upmarket Sydneysiders are, in general, twats. / really, really fucked. Dogs are now […]
Organisers are using a calendar of 12 hot priests to promote World Youth Day. Relax ladies, they’re gay – for the Lord. They may be hot, but only for Jesus. Please forgive me Father, for I’m about to sin… The priests know it’s not a sin to pose for photographs. They’ve been telling altar boys […]
Tues, July 15 Tomorrow is World Youth Day, and, if you’re an anti-Catholic protestor, it’s World Youch Day. Tomorrow is World Youth Day, so non-Catholic Sydneysiders are advised to hide in their cupboards. Tomorrow is World Youth Day, where all over Sydney, Catholic priests will be offered their choice of youth. The “Future Of Media” […]
Foul-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsey has caused a stir, with his frequent swearing provoking Senate recommendations for changes to Australia’s broadcasting standards. The new recommendations include mandating that all new digital TVs include parental lock-out systems, which whenever they detect the presence of swearing will replace it with a matronly voice saying “Wash your mouth out!” […]
Prince Charles is cutting his carbon footprint by running his 38 year old Aston Martin on fuel made from surplus English wine. Only problem is, his car is now permanently over the limit. Well? It is a vintage car… Prince Charles is driving his car on surplus wine. He’s got to do something with all […]
New powers will allow police to arrest, fine and partially strip-search Sydneysiders for causing annoyance or inconvenience to World Youth Day participants. Because World Youth Day should be a celebration of youth! Obedient, straight-laced youth! / And youth should shut up and do what they’re told. Annoyance could mean anything from wearing a T-shirt to […]
The Rudd Government has snuck out their long-promised code of conduct for ministerial staff, just hours before sneaking off for their winter hibernation. The code spells out 21 rules for ministerial staff to follow, though specifies no penalties. But this shouldn’t be about specifying penalties, it should be about specifying scapegoats. To try to wipe […]
A Florida biologist has saved a wild black bear from drowning due to the effects of a tranquiliser dart. Exactly how a tranquiliser dart caused him to save a bear, is still uncertain. Adam Warwick loves nothing more than stripping off and diving into icy lakes to rescue giant carnivores. That’s why all his mates […]
Tues, July 08 Nicole Kidman could give birth any day now, and this time she’s allowed to make noise! / her first completely human birth. Nicole Kidman is due to give birth soon. They’re hoping it’ll be a man-kid. The Australian Teachers Education conference will be held on the Sunshine Coast, confusing many of the […]