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Good News Week

MPs = More Priuses (Good News Week 9/6/08: What’s the Story?)

Federal MPs may be forced to trade in their luxury Holden Statesmen for green-friendly hybrid Toyota Priuses. Not only will it make the government appear to be personally committed to tackling climate change, but it stops them from getting spat on by Ford barrackers. As further proof of their commitment to reducing greenhouse emissions, from […]

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Good News Week

Britney Rotten (Good News Week 9/6/08: Dishing the Dirt)

Johnny Rotten wants to write a song for Britney Spears. It’s called “I’m a drugfucked skanky ho who has to get her songs written by a pratty knob who even in his heyday was a talentless twat”. Ah, it feels so good to say that. Former Sex Pistol John Lydon has said he wants to […]

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Good News Week

Beef pollution (Good News Week 9/6/08: Giving Headline)

A new advertising campaign is asking Australians to stop eating steak in order to combat global warming. Or if they have to eat steak, make it a solar-powered steak. Every cow produces 300 litres of methane every day. And I thought wind power was supposed to be the solution! So it’s either eat less meat, […]

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Good News Week

Pollute the skies, save the planet (Good News Week 9/6/08: Strange But True)

Now this is a great idea. Tim Flannery reckons that to slow global warming we should fill the sky with sulphur, which will block the sun’s rays, but which might have terrible side-effects, and will change the colour of the sky. How about, instead, we all ride bikes and use solar and wind power? I […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 9/6/08: closing)

Tues, June 10 Tomorrow’s Centenary of rugby league gala dinner will be attended by whole flocks of galas. At the “Centenary of Rugby League” gala dinner in Brisbane, there’ll be a riot when some of the players discover salad in the buffet. / quiche in the buffet. At the “Centenary of Rugby League” gala dinner […]

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Good News Week

Pre-flavoured lamb (Good News Week 2/6/08: monologue)

Adelaide Uni scientists have found that feeding lamb on different diets can result in a unique tasting meat. Feeding them on garlic gives the meat a richer taste, and feeding them on Extra gives them a freshness burst that really lasts. Adelaide Uni scientists have found that feeding lamb on different diets can result in […]

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Good News Week

Buckle up your beer (Good News Week 2/6/08: monologue)

Alice Springs police have been shocked to discover a man driving a 5-year-old child around with no seatbelt on – but with a case of beer safely buckled up. The man explained that a child can always heal – but when you lose a slab, it’s gone forever. He had a good reason though. He […]

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Good News Week

Flight of the Jet-Sparrow (Good News Week 2/6/08: What’s the Story?)

A Swiss daredevil has flown at over 250k per hour using a home-made jet-glider. He’s like a real-life superhero! Only he can’t carry anything and criminals hear him coming from miles away. He’s like a real-life superhero – for all crimes committed in his flightpath. He’s like a real-life superhero! If you’re committing some sort […]

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Good News Week

British X Files (Good News Week 2/6/08: What’s the Story?)

Secret files about UFOs have been released to the public by the British Ministry of Defence. Not only are the files full of first-hand accounts of alien creatures and strange lights in the sky, but they may explain once-and-for-all the odd behaviour of the Gallagher brothers. / the secret truth behind David Bowie. / the […]

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Good News Week

Bush gives up golf for war effort (Good News Week 2/6/08: Warren)

George W Bush has claimed that he quit playing golf to show “solidarity” with American soldiers in Iraq. Because, when you’re in direct line of fire on the front line in a ground war in a foreign country, one of the very first things you give up is playing golf. (thump chest with fist) Solidarity. […]