Armenian priests have kicked a Greek priest out of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, and, when police arrived, beat them with palm fronds. No! Not the fronds! With fronds like these, who needs rosaries? Fortunately no fists were used – palms only. It’s obviously a freak event. I’ve never heard of one religion persecuting […]
A secret list of hand luggage banned from aircraft will be made public after Europe’s highest court granted compensation to a man banned from a flight for trying to take his tennis racquets on board. Admittedly it was John McEnroe. Tennis racquets were on a secret list of banned objects, along with headbands and 70’s […]
A Scottish artificial intelligence expert believes that by the middle of the century humans will be having sex with or even marrying robots. If they’ll have us. Being married to a robot wouldn’t be so bad. Unless they were set to “destroy”. Robot spouses have many advantages: they never talk back, they never leave the […]
Tues, May 06 The latest meeting of the Reserve Bank will confirm that people think they’re too boring, prompting them to replace the word “Reserve” with “Party Animal”. / rename themselves “Bank In-Your-Face”. Tomorrow’s Reserve Bank meeting will result in another interest rate rise due to inflation caused by the price of Budget dinners. Tomorrow […]
A meeting of Environment Ministers on plastic bag use has ended in a division between South Australia, who want to phase them out, Victoria, who want to impose a levy, and Peter Garrett, who wants to prove he’s no longer a greenie. / who wants to prove that being Environment Minister comes with some sort […]
A meeting of Environment Ministers on plastic bag use has ended in a division between South Australia, who want to phase them out, Victoria, who want to impose a levy, and Peter Garrett, who wants to prove he’s no longer a greenie. / who wants to prove that being Environment Minister comes with some sort […]
A Brisbane man is selling the right side of his face as advertising space and will work for whichever company wins the bid to permanently tattoo his bald head. And I will swear to evermore buy the products of any company that wins the bid and asks him to tattoo a penis. But the guy […]
A 4.5 metre crocodile, dubbed Croczilla, was captured lurking near a Cape York Peninsula school. Or, as the croc thinks of it, “an all-you-can-eat buffet”. / “a restaurant”. / “the best butcher in town”. The croc they caught is 4.5 metres long and weighs 500 kilos – and you should see the one that got […]
A surgeon has devised a way to add up to 5cm to a person’s height by inserting a silicone head implant. Because a huge deformed forehead is an excellent way to draw attention away from how short you are. If you’re not tall enough, you can now get a head-implant shoved in between your skull […]
One in five scientists have admitted using performance-enhancing prescription drugs to “improve concentration”. And another two in five use non-prescription drugs to “numb the boredom”. One in five scientists have admitted using drugs to “improve concentration”. And the other four use them to “get fucked up”. / “get high.” / “blow their minds”. Most of […]