Prince William has caused a furore by taking an RAF helicopter to a stag weekend on the Isle of Wight. Particularly when it came back tarred and feathered. / covered in shaving cream and filled with hookers and coke. Bloody hell, what’s the world coming to when a crown prince of England can’t commandeer a […]
A New Zealand man has been charged with using a hedgehog as a weapon, after hurling it at a 15 year old boy. He never intended to throw a hedgehog – he just couldn’t find his porcupine. / his boa constrictor. / his Bengal tiger. Fair enough too – the teenager had been pelting him […]
The latest taste sensation in Japan: Vegemite! Apparently it tastes sensational spread on blubber. / It puts a certain zing into boring old blubber. / Thanks to Vegemite, blubber finally tastes good! The Japanese may like Vegemite now, but just wait till they discover toast… It’s not surprising. When you’ve been raised on wasabi, Vegemite […]
A Bosnian man has had his home hit by meteorites five times since last November. That’s the last time he builds a house in the asteroid belt. / with a blackhole chimney. / out of cheap bricks from Roswell. A Bosnian man’s house has been hit by meteorites 5 separate times, which has convinced him […]
Tues, April 22 Tuesday’s Earth Day will precipitate 364 days of trashing the place. Tuesday is Earth Day. Unfortunately, there’s still no day for Uranus. To celebrate Earth Day, Queenslanders will pound amphibians with cudgels. To celebrate Earth Day, aliens have prepared a really big meteorite to chuck at that Bosnian guy. Tomorrow our tormented […]
A man described as Australia’s biggest nerd has had a microchip, which automatically opens his front door, injected into his left arm. Unfortunately when the system breaks down he has to have his arm replaced. / he has to call an armsmith. / an arms dealer. A man described as Australia’s biggest nerd has had […]
Scientists have invented an “intelligent” pair of glasses that help people remember where they left things and recognise faces. Now if only I could remember where I put them… They’re aimed at helping people with dementia feel that little bit more like freaks. The glasses could revolutionise the lives of people suffering from memory problems […]
According to the US military, Iraqi prisoners of war are choosing to stay in captivity to complete their studies. And they actually love the regular beatings! Turns out most of the Iraqi insurgency are actually only in it for the educational opportunities. And they’re not being tortured – it’s just corporal punishment. And not only […]
Italian police are hunting for a rogue hypnotist who’s been hypnotising cashiers and bank tellers into handing over cash. He’s becoming more daring, in the last bank job stealing over $1300 and turning the teller into a chicken. In all cases, the cashiers don’t realise anything’s wrong until they discover there’s money missing from the […]
A repeat offending drunk-driver refuses to appear in court or speak to lawyers because he believes he is God. He first suspected it when he woke up one morning and everything was void and without form. The Courier Mail’s report on the incident included the line “Howarth genuinely believed he was God, pictured“. Well there […]