The Internet, home of genius ideas, has a new one – the Terror Prevention Pen. Each pen sold from “Infidel’s Revenge” contains pig’s blood, so any suicide bomber blowing you up gets covered with pig’s blood – damning their soul for eternity. It’s so convenient – at last, you can stop lugging that pig around. […]
The US Department of Homeland Security is developing software to monitor negative opinions of the US or its leaders in overseas media, in order to identify potential threats. Great. Now the US will invade you if you have WMDs – Words of Much Disliking. The software looks for patterns from numerous sources of information that […]
An Italian TV satire program sprung a surprise hidden drug test on the country’s parliamentarians – and found that 16 out of 50 had taken cocaine or cannabis in the last 36 hours. It’s a slightly misleading statistic as the tests were conducted the day after “Pollies Week”. The program told the pollies that they […]
IRAQ TILL 2010 John Howard has suggested Australian troops will be in Iraq until at least 2010. You remember his promise that we’d be there “months, not years”. Yeah, hundreds of months. Howard said that if we pull out there’ll be “chaos and carnage”. But if we stay, there’ll only be a couple of hundred […]
Saudi Arabia are building a 900 kilometre high-tech fence all the way along their border with Iraq. The wall includes large sand barriers, two barbed wire fences, a pyramid of barbed wire in the middle of 33 metres of sand dotted with underground motion sensors, and a sign that says “Beware of the Dog”. It’s […]
Jamaah Islamiah’s spiritual leader Abu Bakar Bashir has said that naked women are more dangerous than the Bali bombings. If he’d had his way, the Bali bombers would have just packed the Sari Club with hot nude chicks – that’d teach the Western infidels a thing or two! The Sari Club was full of scantily-clad […]
A British study suggests that thieves should be classed as expert professionals alongside surgeons and pilots, because they performed complicated tasks automatically and with a high degree of skill. I agree, burglars would make great surgeons – who can forget the Great Tumour Heist of 98? I think some burglars are already surgeons; remember when […]
German boxing champion Arthur Abraham of Armenia faces legal action if he continues to wear a Smurf hat and enter the ring to Smurf music. A spokesmurf said, “This smurf can’t just smurf around smurfing like he smurfs the smurf! It’s a smurfing smurf for smurfing out smurf!” At least, they think he’s going to […]
A flight from Samoa to Sydney was delayed last week when ground staff asked the passengers whether anybody had left a baby girl in the departure lounge. The forgetful parents claimed her. “To be honest, I’d forgotten we even had a child.” It was an understandable mistake; they’d just bought a new daughter duty-free. The […]