Warwick Holt - Media EmpireThe mother of an 11 year old British Show Jumping contestant has been accused of doping rival horses to help her son to victory. What a brilliant plan! Even if he didn’t come first in the field, she could disqualify all the other ponies in the drug tests! Mrs Kim Baudains was seen feeding “mints” […]
A controversial game called “Terri Irwin’s Revenge” has sprung up online. You play Steve Irwin’s wife and shoot stingrays, which fire barbs at you. Every time a stingray hits Terri, she lets fly with a “crikey!” Sure it’s in poor taste, but where else can you set a “croc-bomb” loose to devour a pack of […]
Romanian tax officials are looking to crack down on witches by ordering a census. Witches are outraged. But surely they can just magic up some extra money to pay it? Witches shouldn’t really qualify for tax exemption. Particularly black witches – making a voodoo doll isn’t really charity work. As the Mayor said, “If they […]
A secret psychological test used by Victoria Police to screen recruits has been leaked via the Internet. The test is used to screen our psychopaths with a series of true/false questions based on the flawless reasoning that psychopaths always tell the truth. Wannabe officers have to answer true or false to a series of propositions […]
The South African Minister of Safety and Security has suggested that police officers without access to a car should ride a bicycle or a donkey to crime scenes. “Hurry Constable – to the donkey!” The resource-strapped police force is having difficulty coping with South Africa’s huge rates of murder and rape, among the highest in […]
Back in the days when “Big Brother” was in a book, the only “Simpson” we knew had a donkey, and a “remote control” was the Queen, television was born… Aussie TV turns fifty in three days time! And Bert is still the best we can do. TV’s 50 – another ten years and it gets […]
Music mags have begun discussing “guilty pleasure syndrome”, enjoying songs that you claim to hate. The syndrome’s been around for ages – back in the 18th Century, none of the cool kids were into Fur Elise, but enough absinthe and they’d be all (sing and mime piano) “dodedodedodedooo”… Generally there are three ways to spot […]
Men’s mag FHM has published a list of Australia’s scariest women, including Germaine Greer, Naomi Robson and Amanda Vanstone. The list was clearly incomplete though – they didn’t even mention Scary Spice. And Scary Spice wasn’t even on the list. All this time she was lying to us! But Mandy Vandy’s really not that scary. […]
Fears of cyclones hitting the Gold Coast could mean that all new unit blocks could come equipped with compulsory lifeboats. And everyone buying an apartment has to wear floaties at all times. An alternative plan is for everyone to just wear stilts. Why not just build apartments that are boats? You could make them like […]
JOBBY BONUS The Howard government has offered people in regions of high unemployment a $5000 payment to move to areas with a chronic skills shortage. Howard’s trying to encourage Peter Costello to take up the option – there’s just not that many vacancies in the Parliament House region… A $5000 moving bonus! Move twice a […]