A lonely Russian farmer has asked President Putin to allow him to marry a cow. It seems world leaders must be softening on their stance towards inter-species marriage. So long as it’s not gay. “I’ve always dreamed of marrying someone, milking them every morning, and finally eating them in pepper sauce. But none of the […]
A New Zealand Christian group has urged parents to smack their naughty children for up to 15 minutes a day. Regardless of what they’ve done – it’s just fun! Smacking a child for 15 minutes rids them of “sin in the heart”, as well as being plain old fun! Beat the sin out of them! […]
Oprah Winfrey has stated that despite rumours to the contrary she is definitely not gay. Of course she’s not gay – she just broke up with her boyfriend of 20 years! She left him because he wouldn’t commit – to the sex change operation… Oprah and her best friend of 30 years, Gayle King, say […]
PETER COSTELLO’S SCHOOLBOY LARKING Peter Costello admits he was a bit of a larrikin at school, always doing his homework in the last hour before it was due. And to be honest, he copied that last Budget off the guy sitting next to him. Costello admitted he finds it difficult to plan in advance. Shame […]
Respectable newspapers across America have published the word “shit” for the first time after George W Bush was caught saying it to Tony Blair at the G8 summit. Respectable parents are dismayed that the New York Times would publish such a filthy word, which is usually only heard in ghettos, bad neighbourhoods and G8 summits. […]
Veterans’ Affairs Minister Bruce Billson has said that former prisoners from Nazi prison camps have been undermined by Hogan’s Heroes. The RSL National President agreed that imprisonment under the Germans was not like being at “some holiday camp”. It was more like a really tough study camp. That’s why they were called “concentration” camps… Hah! […]
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New look Empire; same old crap
Hi all, You might have noticed the Media Empire layout’s a bit changed now. The blog’s moved over from running on spam-magnet bBlog to WordPress. The navigation is hopefully also a bit more consistent and straightforward to use now. More changes may come as the mood takes me and time allows. The folks over at […]
George Dubya Bush has been ranked a 200-to-1 outsider for the Nobel Peace Prize. It’s not fair – that’s better odds than I’ve got, and I haven’t invaded anyone! Well, not recently… I’m surprised the odds are so bad – after all, no-one’s more peaceful than when they’ve been clusterbombed to death! George Dubya Bush […]
Australia post have withdrawn a set of stamps featuring red-back spiders due to fears that people might get scared when they get their mail. It also would have provided an excellent hiding spot for real red-backs. It’s a shame really; it would have been great down at the arachnophobic Post Office: “AAAARRRRGGGGH! (postmark violently on […]
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Ockerettes (The Glass House 19/7/06)
New research reveals an increasing trend among Aussie women to get drunk in public, swear and go to the footy. Although it can make it tough to tell if a woman’s pregnant – that might just be her beer gut. These post-feminist women have been dubbed “ockerettes”. No longer confined by feminine stereotypes, the ockerettes […]