WHOOPS, WRONG CORPSE The parents of Private Jake Kovco were furious when their son’s body was delivered to Melbourne Airport, only to turn out to be the body of an unidentified Bosnian. Mr and Mrs Unidentified Bosnian are also said to be quite upset. Private Kovco’s mother rang John Howard personally and according to Brendan […]
University academics are being recruited as “spies” in the war on terror. They’ve been asked to alert Canberra about any enrolment inquiries from students from countries suspected of having WMDs. In particular, they’re looking for students from countries who have used WMDs. So that’s pretty much just Americans then. So Americans, Indians and Israelites had […]
In the US, they’ve started using robots at childcare nurseries. They’re hoping that by 2012 they can dispense with children altogether… It’s part of an experiment to discover what it takes for machines and humans to develop long-term relationships. The kids are really enjoying it, but the robots are still coming to terms with the […]
The actors playing Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck at Hong Kong Disneyland have been denied paid sick leave after suffering injuries from the heavy costumes. Hang on a minute – what do you mean costumes? (sniff) Oh well, there go my last childhood illusions… The actors playing the Disney stars are having their pay docked […]
Researchers in Adelaide have suggested sheep of the future may be shorn by having a mobile phone call trigger a bioactive substance which would cause their wool to fall out. Of course it won’t work if the sheep are on another call at the time. That’s the sheep of things to come… The farmer of […]
Bono tries to explain the concept of “international diplomacy” to a fan. “So do I get to join the band? I can get you really good coke!” ” ‘Bono’… that’s not Islamic is it?” ” ‘Bono’… sounds like a foreign name to me.” Dubya: “What do you mean ‘me too’?” Bush has trouble spelling the […]
AWB Howard, Downer and Vaille all say that they didn’t even read the 21 intelligence cables that said AWB was funding Saddam’s regime. As Howard said: “I was far too busy reading the cables about made-up stuff! You know, like WMDs, the links between Saddam and Osama, and African uranium…” As Howard said: “I was […]
Flight attendants, call centre operators, waiters and other people forced to stay jolly for work are at risk of harming their health due to internalised stress. You might be advised to stick to grumpier professions, like parking inspector, nightclub bouncer or comedy writer. Russell Crowe is set to live forever. Instead of saying “Have a […]
Comic book creator Stan Lee has been auditioning contestants for a new reality show Who Wants to be a Superhero? 120 contestants in their own outfits lined up in a torrential rainstorm to gain selection on the show. Good for Umbrella Man, although Sponge Girl ended up waterlogged. In the TV show, the wannabe superheroes […]
A new survey of the world’s best cities has ranked Swiss cities Zurich and Geneva as numbers one and two. The survey ranked cities by a number of different factors, including the quality of their chocolate and the number of holes in their cheese. Switzerland scored well for its strong internal stability and excellent relationships […]