The Queen turns 80 this week. Of course, we’ve already helped her celebrate at the Commonwealth Games Opening by mangling the first half of “God Save the Queen” and sticking in “Happy Birthday”. Such a touching insult. Prince Phillip’s going to get her a new crown, Princess Anne’s going to reupholster the corgis, and Prince […]
A man was arrested for drunk driving after asking a police officer for directions to Uluru – when he was just 100 metres away, pointing his headlights at it. When the policeman pointed it out, he said “I still can’t see it, there’s a bloody big red rock in the way!” “Not Ayer’s Rock – […]
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Roll up, roll up to the Creationist Museum
A one-eyed, noseless kitten called Cy will be the centrepiece of a new museum intended to promote the theory of creationism. Of course! Could such a hideous mutant be anything but the work of a benevolent, loving God? The owner of the Lost World Museum, John Adolfi, claims Cy offers evidence that there are no […]
DINGO CARTOON An Indonesian cartoon has portrayed Alexander Downer and John Howard as a pair of rutting dingos. What an insult! They’re much more like buggering wombats. The cartoon was much easier to stomach than the previous version. It was pretty much the same, except they weren’t dingos… Howard couldn’t care less, saying he’s never […]
Australians are among the most optimistic nations – 61% of Australians feel their personal financial situation will improve. In other words 39% of Australians feel that this is as good as it gets. And we’re the optimists! 65% of Iraqis felt that their personal situation would improve. And that includes the suicide bombers. 65% of […]
With the subject of ABC advertising being raised yet again (remember to sign the petition to increase federal funding to help prevent this becoming neccessary), we were asked to submit a few of the sort of ads the ABC might show. They ended up going with the “Kim Beazley Appeal Appeal” but here are the […]
The Pentagon has developed electronic implants to enable them to turn sharks into stealth spies. Perfect for catching terrorist pilchards. These mutant sharks will be just what we need to reduce the terrorist threat in Baghdad and disarm Iran! There’ll never be another 9-11 now that we’ve got MIND-CONTROLLED SHARKS! It’s good to know that […]
Hi folks, Please help put a bit of pressure on the Australian Federal government to increase the funding for the cash-strapped ABC. After all, without funding how will they be able to keep producing The Glass House and actual quality programs? I’ll hand over now to the Media, Entertainment and Arts Alliance for the actual […]
“How many Americans does it take to change a totalitarian regime? At least 2000!” “Remember those mass graves? So funny!” The court pauses for an episode of Iraq’s Funniest Home Videos. The court pauses for an episode of Iraq’s Funniest Genocides. The court pauses for an episode of Everybody Loves Saddam. “Ha ha! I knew […]
IT’S WORLD WATER DAY It’s World Water Day! Make an extra effort to conserve – water your garden with beer. It’s World Water Day. Not really a cause for celebration in countries affected by tsunamis. It’s World Water Day. Give a tap a kiss. It’s World Water Day. So leave the taps on to celebrate. […]