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Good News Week

Coitus Arrestus (GNW 26/10/09: Strange But True)

A Northern Territory couple were sprung having sex in the back of a paddy wagon while being taken to a cop station. You’re getting to home in the back of a divvy van! They were arrested for drunk-and-disorderly behaviour, or as they called it, getting to second base. “You’re going down in the back of […]

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Good News Week

Good Next Week (GNW 26/10/09: closing)

Tuesday, October 27 The inquiry into govt. economic stimuli will report tomorrow. And if they don’t like it, the government is thinking maybe they should throw some cash at them. The inquiry into govt. economic stimuli will report tomorrow. And if it turns out the whole thing was a waste of money, well, too late […]

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Good News Week

Asylum play (GNW 19/10/09: monologue)

There’s a deadly civil war in Sri Lanka, so what do we send over? Food? No. Medical supplies? No. We send them street theatre. And if you’ve ever seen any street theatre, you’ll know exactly why it deters people. Of course, it’s not the street theatre’s message that keeps them away – more the quality […]

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Good News Week

Eaten out of house and planet (GNW 19/10/09: monologue)

In the next 50 years, the world’s population will eat as much food as it has consumed so far over the entirety of human history. And it will read a million times as many emails! In the next 50 years, the world’s population will eat as much food as it has consumed so far over […]

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Good News Week

Wailing whalers (GNW 19/10/09: monologue)

Japan’s new left wing government has already begun overhauling the country’s whaling policies – by asking for Australia to help prevent the violent attacks. On the WHALERS! The Japanese government argues that, as there really aren’t that many countries left that practice whaling, they’re actually an endangered species. / they’re actually an endangered species and […]

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Good News Week

Holden Cop Car (GNW 19/10/09: What’s The Story?)

Holden have converted their old Statesman design into a purpose-built police car for the United States. You can easily spot them by their fluffy lights. / fuzzy lights. Not only are American cops going to be driving Holdens, but they’ll be trained in the correct way to perform burnouts and doughies. The car will be […]

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Good News Week

Robot Locusts (GNW 19/10/09: What’s The Story?)

Defence engineers are excited about a future technology they hope will find people lost in disaster zones – robot locusts! Just unleash a plague and watch the missing come running! All the swarming destruction of locusts, combined with the emotionless power of robots! What could go wrong? / Sure, you laugh now… Of course, making […]

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Good News Week

Nooh Pew (GNW 19/10/09: 3 1/2 Corners)

There’s a new Winnie the Pooh book! “Return to the Hundred Acre Wood” contains all your favourite characters! Except that Milne one. / Except the one that made them all up. Isn’t it funny How a book makes money? Cash cash cash I wonder where it’s stashed? Isn’t it funny How a book makes money? […]

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Good News Week

Sweet Criminals (GNW 19/10/09: Up-cut)

British research suggests that children who eat too many lollies grow up to be violent adults. The good news is that rather than lengthy prison sentences, the best deterrent to reoffending is two bucks of mixed at the milk bar. British research suggests that children who eat too many lollies grow up to be violent […]

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Good News Week

The Queen’s Queens (GNW 19/10/09: Strange But True)

The hunt is on for new guards at Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle and Balmoral, particularly from applicants who are women, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, black or minority ethnic. Just another sign that that hippie Charles is seizing power by stealth. The new gay Royal Guardsmen will be known as the Queen’s Queens. Because you need […]