A cow from 1937 is said to be responsible for the Iraq war now. According to George Bush, the cow has been “concealing weapons of mass destruction” and has “undeniable ties to al Qaeda”. Apparently the cow’s hiding out in Tehran; we’ve got no choice but to bomb the bejeezus out of it. The Coalition […]
To mark the 30th anniversary of “Jaws”, British TV has launched a new program, “Celebrity Shark Bait”. Celebrities such as Ruby Wax and Richard E. Grant will be lowered in a cage into shark-infested waters. That’s one show you don’t want to get voted off. They may seem like B-Grade celebrities, but all the big […]
A British poll on usable design breakthroughs has been topped by the armed corkscrew. I don’t know whether I necessarily agree; I tried an armed corkscrew on a new wine bottle, and it broke. Much easier to just unscrew it, I reckon. An Al Qaeda survey voted the nuclear-armed corkscrew even better… Disposable nappies came […]
A US study shows long-distance relationships are more stable than geographically close ones. In fact the best way to ensure your relationship lasts is to never see each other at all. Hence the popularity of Internet dating. Couples who see each other every day and do daily chores together can simply get bored of each […]
The star of al Qaeda’s latest video is suspected to be former Aussie soldier Mathew Stewart. (play video) Isn’t that guy off “Pizza”? He definitely seems like an Australian. Not only does he have a distinct Aussie accent, but an esky filled with explosives and a thong-bomb. “Yeah, it looks like him,” said his old […]
According to the prison librarian at Guantanamo Bay, the favourite book of Muslim detainees is Harry Potter. Mind you, all the copies of the Koran have already been flushed. After all, Guantanamo Bay is a lot like Hogwarts; it’s hidden from the rest of the world, you can’t leave until the end of term, and […]
A US hip-hop radio station has been forced to stop a promotion called “Smackfest”, where women slapped each other to win cash and prizes. State officials argued that the smackfest constituted a form of unlicensed combative sport, similar to underground boxing. Even more so now that they’ve driven it underground. The problem was it was […]
Prince William is the latest – some would say cutest – royal to be immortalised at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Works. Ohhhh, he looks just like his wax mum… Of course one problem is that William’s going to keep changing as he grows older. Particularly if they light his wick. The waxwork is so popular that […]
Well whaddya know. The US has decided that the War On Terror is now to be called The Struggle Against Violent Extremism. Some new slogans in place of the outmoded “War on Terror”: – The Wrestle With Nastiness – International Debombification – War on P.R. Disasters – War on Iraq/Muslims/Arabs – Anti-Allah Alliance – The […]
A Kenyan man has been waiting for five years to get a reply to his offer to Bill Clinton of 40 goats and 20 cows in exchange for Bill’s daughter Chelsea’s hand in marriage. “I’m really hoping he replies soon,” said Godwin Chepkurgor. “These goats and cows are OK, but they’re no Chelsea Clinton.” Bill […]