South Korean scientists have used cloning techniques to engineer four beagles that glow red under ultraviolet light. Which makes the dogs easier to find amongst their robot army.
The four dogs just look like beagles with red nails and abdomens by day, but glow red under ultraviolet light. It’s really cut down burglary at the lab.
Best of all, they shit glowsticks!
They glow red – and taste like fairy floss!
They just need to grow a couple more heads and they’ll finally have their own hellhound. / and they’ll finally have a Cerberus to guard the gates of Genetic Engineering Hell.
Apparently they’ve already had a pile of orders from Baskerville Hall. / from a gent called Luke Cifer.
It really paves the way for new technology. One day, every home in South Korea will be lit with glowing animals.
The dogs are not only extremely cute, but are a lot more energy efficient than traditional light-globes.
Unfortunately, to keep the dogs going, you need to feed them radioactive bones.
The technology could help them develop cures for human diseases. Like not glowing red.
They say the new science will help cure diseases. But only diseases that stop you from glowing. / But only diseases where the main symptoms are being long, furry, and not glowing. / Especially diseases that suppress the body’s natural glowing-red properties.
The scientists say the dogs show that it’s possible to insert genes with a specific trait. Though they admitted there were probably easier traits to identify than the “glow red” gene.
The scientists would have implanted a more useful gene, but knew that the media would only really give them coverage for something really freaky.
They could have made them glow a soothing green or cooling blue, but red was more practical for guard-dogs. / just plain scarier.
A dog with long red nails? How are we going to tell it from Sharon Osbourne?
The dogs are very energy efficient, but a bugger to screw into your light-fittings.
The dogs have millions of uses! They’re just not sure what they are.
Next, the scientists are moving on to fluorescent rottweilers and strobe-corgis.
Now that they’ve mastered the glowing red dog, the scientists are moving on to giant bats, fire-breathing goats, and some kind of lizard that can poke you with a pitchfork. That’s the last time they employ goths in the lab…
They say the new science will help cure diseases. And if not, well, at least they’ve made a glowing beagle.
The four dogs only glow under ultraviolet light, and generally look like regular beagles. That’s right – it’s even less impressive than it sounds.
South Koreans have developed beagles that glow red. It’s really hard to get decent glow-sticks in South Korea.
The four dogs generally look like regular beagles, only glowing under ultraviolet light. They’re really just another accessory for ravers.
Next the scientists are planning on creating a smoke-blowing cat, a laser-show mouse, and a duck that goes “doom-tish- doom-tish-doom-tish-doom-tish”. The world’s first menagerie-powered nightclub!
So ravers will now be able to wrap a glowing dog around their neck. Although that will only be cool until the first ravers turn up glowing themselves.
And if you really want to the dogs to light up, you need to plug them in to an electric sheep.
The scientists say they are a little disappointed. They wanted to create a giant mutant monster that would crush North Korea with its laser eyes, and all they came up with was a cute little puppy that looks cool at a nightclub. Back to the drawing board…
Unfortunately a glowing red dog is really difficult to put out at night.
A glowing red beagle – just perfect to warm yourself by. Go on, throw another dog on the fire.
Now they just need to replace their barks with sirens, and you’ll never miss a police dog!
They reckon the technology will work on humans. Cool! If I glow in the dark it’ll stop me losing myself at night! / At last, no need to wear bright colours at night.
The dogs are meant to be able to help cure human illnesses. I think you’re meant to eat them. / Just swallow one with a glass of water after meals.
They only glow under ultraviolet light, or when they’re chasing lasercats.
Of course the fluorescence gene has been only been used to prove that the genetic material can be inserted. The freaky-glowing-clone-bitches are just a bonus.
It’s a shame really – what they’d been asked to make was “low ink bagels”. Which really, shouldn’t have been that difficult.
South Korean scientists have bred four glow-in-the-dark dogs. Now that’s hard to stomach.
But the Korean scientists say the research isn’t pointless, and in fact the fluorescence really improves their flavour.
But if South Koreans want to make things glow in the dark, why not just really piss off Kim Jong-Il?
At last, some good news for nocturnal postmen.
Sure, they look useless now, but when all the fossil fuel runs out, glowing dogs will be all we’ll be able to see by.
And when the oil runs out and the sea levels rise and the terrorists nuke us all, the glowing puppies will be the perfect emblem of where humanity got its priorities right.
