The sack race has been given the sack and the three-legged race run out of town, with a British primary school dropping the events from a sports day to minimise risk. The egg-and-spoon race is still allowed, despite suggestions that it was unfair on the poor little eggs. / The egg-and-spoon race is still allowed – although, because of the danger a spoon could slip and gouge a kiddie’s eye out, they’ll just be holding the eggs in their hands. / And the egg-and-spoon race will be replaced by the egg-and-hand race. Those spoons could gouge out a kiddie’s eye.
They decided to keep the sack race, but just make a few changes. Instead of jumping inside a sack, contestants will walk, holding the sack. Much safer.
Of course, it’s not the 3-legged race they should be worried about. It’s the half-legged one. / It’s the 3-stumped one.
Not only that, but someone could drown bobbing for apples – how about a cool fun game “picking apples up with your hands”? Sounds neato!
So, instead of the three legged race, there’s the “walking sensibly” competition! Most sensible wins!
Instead of the sack race, they’ll be having the “shoe” race, where each competitor has to run with their feet in shoes!
The sack race is only really dangerous when the sack is tied up, hoisted from a crane and smashed repeatedly into buildings. Ah, memories. / and set alight. Ah, childhood innocence.
The Edwardian-themed sports day involved 375 children dressed in period costume. So the sack and three-legged races were appropriately replaced by fencing and jousting.
The games were removed on an Edwardian-themed sports day involving 375 children dressed in period costume. But don’t worry – they replaced the sack and three-legged races with cleaning chimneys, mining, and dying of cholera.
The Edwardian-themed sports day involved 375 children dressed in period costume. So, true to the spirit of the times, the school banned the games altogether, and told them all to just sit quietly for the rest of the day or they’d get the strap.
The three-legged race was later reinstated when the principal realised that participants didn’t actually have to grow a third leg. / that it wasn’t actually discriminatory against two-legged children.
The school is also thinking of banning lunchtime. You never know what might happen out there.
The principal was unable to comment, as he was still sheltering under his desk just in case the roof collapses.
After all, as the principal said, sacks should be reserved for tying children up in as punishment. / reserved for the punishment room.
The last thing they want is a repeat of last year’s three-legged race, when five children fell and had to be put down. / destroyed.
The school’s rugby team are now playing ballet instead, ironically resulting in far more injuries.
The kids have also been banned from rugby, but not because it’s too dangerous – it’s just not really a proper game. / just a bit dumb. / it just all seems a bit silly.
The principal is now using all the spare sacks to hide from the bogeyman.
Organisers were afraid that participants in the sack and three-legged race might fall over, what with it being the point of those races.
The principal said it was all about protecting the children, and nothing to do with the time he fell over in a three-legged race as a child, he’s completely over that now, so let’s not even mention it.
Fun is just too dangerous for kids. It should be restricted to adults.
But if you ban the sports where the children fall over, what is there left to entertain the parents? / you’ll just have the ones where they hit each other.
The sack race has been modernised – now the kids race carrying a milk crate.
They were, however, allowed a game where they pop pingpong balls into a bucket. I can’t believe they’re allowing that at a school – it’s bad enough in a Thai brothel!
They were, however, allowed a game where there was running and hopping. Don’t they realise that a child could be running, then trip over and graze themselves, which could get infected and poison their blood and kill them?! And don’t get me started on hopping!
The day was a great success, although placegetters had to hold their ribbons as it was thought the pins might be a bit dangerous.
The day was a great success, although the winners had to hold their medals as it’s a little bit dangerous to put things around your neck, isn’t it now.
They’re still allowed the most dangerous game of all – detention with Mr Fisty.
They’re still allowed the most dangerous game of all – braving the bullies at lunchtime.
Laura Midgley, the founder of the Campaign Against Political Correctness, reckons it’s health and safety rules gone mad. And she has the support of the Union of Sackdwellers and Tripods.
Laura Midgley, the founder of the Campaign Against Political Correctness, says it’s health and safety rules gone mad. Things were so much better when they could be brutalised at will for our amusement.
Laura Midgley, the founder of the Campaign Against Political Correctness, says it’s health and safety rules gone mad. And there’s nothing worse than health and safety. / She so much prefers the old days of sickness and danger.
