Tuesday, June 16
Tomorrow, Bindi Irwin will be at the Daytime TV Emmy Awards in L.A. Now, I’m not ENCOURAGING a head-shot, I’m just putting it out there.
Tomorrow, Bindi Irwin will be at the Daytime TV Emmy Awards in L.A. Where’s a stingray when you need one? / But unfortunately no stingrays have been invited.
Tomorrow, Bindi Irwin will be in L.A. at the Daytime TV Emmy Awards, as at night she looks a little too much like the undead.
Tomorrow, Bindi Irwin will be in L.A. at the Daytime TV Emmy Awards. Nice of them to hold some awards before her bedtime.
Tomorrow is the Royal Ascot horse races in the UK. My money’s on Camilla – but only if she’s being ridden by Charles. / only if Charlie’s giving her a damn good thrashing.
The N.S.W. & Qld. Budgets will be delivered – it’s a State of Origin Budget smackdown!
Tomorrow, the N.S.W. & Qld. Budgets are both being delivered. Between them, there might be enough income to run a whole state.
There’ll be a hearing into executive remuneration levels tomorrow in Sydney. Executives say “bigger”, while the GFC says “bugger off”.
The CEO of Foxtel will be at the National Press Club tomorrow. It’s free to attend, so long as you sign up for 12 months and buy a special receiver.
The CEO of Foxtel will be at the National Press Club in Canberra. Of course, if you want to see him, you’ll have to pay.
Wednesday, June 17
Wednesday is Iceland’s National Day, though they don’t have much to celebrate at this point.
Iceland’s National Day will be celebrated with the traditional “looking at ice” ceremony. It a ceremony that lasts for 364 days! / until next year’s National Day!
On Wednesday, there’ll be a hearing into financial services & products in Canberra. Ooh, they always get the fun stuff, huh. / Life’s always just one big party in Canberra!
Greens Senator Christine Milne will be at the National Press Club on Wednesday, though her zero-carbon speech will be invisible and inaudible.
On Wednesday, it’s the Press Gallery Mid-Winter Ball in Canberra! I’m not sure which aspect of that is most painful…
Wednesday is Canberra’s Press Gallery Mid-Winter Ball! It’s the most fun you can have in a freezing cold Canberra ballroom surrounded by journalists and politicians. Oh, and the food’s probably shit.
Wednesday is Canberra’s Press Gallery Mid-Winter Ball, highlights will be available online in the Pressed Flesh Gallery.
On Wednesday, it’s the Press Gallery Mid-Winter Ball in Canberra! Clearly, politicians and journalists don’t feel the cold. But that’s because they’re NOT ALIVE. / they are the walking dead. / they feel nothing at all…
On Wednesday, Simon & Garfunkel play a Greatest Hits tour in Brisbane. And, with their voices ravaged with age, that will mostly be the sound of silence.
Simon & Garfunkel are touring, so apparently they’re both still alive.
Thursday, June 18
Ross Noble’s tour will hit Adelaide on Thursday. I imagine you’ll hear him coming. / They’re not going to know what hit them!
St. Vincent de Paul are holding a “CEO Sleepout”, on Thursday night, though if it’s successful they’ll evict several CEOs permanently.
In Sydney on Thursday, St. Vincent de Paul are holding a “CEO Sleepout”. So for several homeless folks it’ll be a night of mansion life.
The inquiry into govt. funding of public transport will report, but gets stuck on the question on whether it needs public funding to be called public transport, or whether it just needs to transport the public. We’ll get back to you.
The Bureau of Statistics will release its report on Corrective Services. At long last we’ll know which is better: Wite-Out or Liquid Paper!
Friday, June 19
On Friday, Ross Noble’s tour will hit Sydney’s Acer Arena, meaning he’ll be able to outtalk a crowd of 20,000.
On Friday, the inquiry into residential aged care will report, sonny. / ya young whippersnapper.
On Friday, the inquiry into residential aged care will report, forget their conclusions, and have a nasty stumble before reporting again as if they never had before.
Sunday, June 21
Sunday is the Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival – that’s been strangely underpublicised.
It’ll be 25 years since the Australian banking industry was deregulated. Banks will celebrate with an interest rate rise!
Perth will host the final of the W.A. Karaoke Championships. Guess it’ll be Karae O.K.
In the UK, the Speaker of the House of Commons will resign after the MP rorts scandal. What have they rort?
Monday, June 22
Monday is the next meeting of the International Whaling Commission. Go on, have a cry.
In Spain, the World Heritage Committee will decide on possible new Australian additions. In line are the MCG, the Fosters brewery, and Shane Warne’s hair.
Monday is the beginning of Wimbledon. Poor wombles.
And next Monday in Melbourne, the International Animation Festival will be cancelled due to falling pianos. / due to sponsorship problems with ACME, leaving them with no blueprints, TNT, or do-it-yourself rocket launchers.
Next Monday, former Cronulla Sharks player Greg Bird will be sentenced on assault charges. See what happens when you let a Sharks player go out by himself? / If only his team-mates had been there to stop him.
Next Monday, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris Brown and former Cronulla Sharks player Greg Bird all face courts over assault charges. It’s Celebrity Assault Monday!
The inquiry into the National Broadband Network will report in Canberra, but only after several hours just standing there with a slowly-increasing progress bar.
Next Monday’s hearing into bullying of children & young people in Sydney will take your play-lunch and give you a wedgie.
Meryl Streep turns 60 next Monday, but I’d still do her, even face up.
It’ll be 25 years since Virgin Atlantic Airlines was founded. That’s a cherry ripe for popping.
