Tuesday, November 17
Beijing will host the Digital Media Awards on Tuesday, with winner for Most Unbiased Media going to China – again!
Beijing will host the Digital Media Awards tomorrow. The Olympic stadium will be perhaps wasted on the single wi-fi connected nerd running the thing.
The Bureau of Statistics will release the population & housing census. And despite some excellent results from the population, virtually all the houses refused to be counted. / to fill out the form.
The Bureau of Statistics will release both the population & housing census, and the motor vehicle census. Man these guys just don’t quit! Booyah!
Wednesday, November 18
Wednesday’s ‘Adelaide Fashion Festival’ will get off to a terrible start when, tragically, it is held in Adelaide.
Wednesday is the Adelaide Fashion Festival – the natural home of hobo chic.
Sydney will host the Inside Film Awards – inside. / which should be much cosier than the outside ones.
On Wednesday, Sydney will host the Inside Film Awards, ironically, in real life. / ironically, not inside a film at all, but in real life.
In Canberra, the head of Amnesty International will address the National Press Club on Wednesday, unless he can get some sort of amnesty.
Indonesian President Yudhoyono will arrive in Australia. Yudhoyoh-yes.
Indonesian President Yudhoyono will arrive in Australia, wearing a very very large jacket.
Thursday, November 19
The Manhunt Australia male model national final will get off to a bad start when they can’t find any anywhere, prompting a thorough search down the back of the couch.
Darwin will host the national final of Manhunt on Thursday. The best part is thwacking them with a harpoon and watching them thrash around, spraying the place with blood.
Brisbane will host the Public Service conference. Mm – sounds interesting!
The CEO of Virgin Blue will be at the Qld. Media Club on Thursday. He’s not speaking or anything – he’s just there to whet his appetite.
On Thursday the N.S.W. Tourism Awards will be presented to a giant pineapple, an enormous lobster, and a Koala made of fibreglass.
On Thursday, “New Moon”, the latest movie in the “Twilight” series, will be released. In the audience will be Hollywood executives, producers, and stakeholders, who will mainly be there to kill the vampires.
“New Moon”, the latest movie in the “Twilight” series, will be released, to the delight of teenage girls with too much delicious blood.
Friday, November 20
Friday’s Motorcycle Show in Sydney will be wheelie good.
Friday’s Motorcycle Show in Sydney will have to be cancelled when it turns out the motorbikes are all two-tyred.
The spokesman for Friday’s Motorcycle Show in Sydney will resign when he realises motorbikes don’t have spokes.
Friday’s Sydney Motorcycle Show will be erupt into violence when interrupted by a gang of bikelessies.
In Canberra, Kevin Rudd will be at the Australian Export Awards dinner. Winners are allowed to choose which country they’ll export refugees to.
In Canberra, Kevin Rudd will be at the Australian Export Awards dinner. It’ll be take-away.
The Bureau of Statistics will release the housing condition report. Apparently the roof is leaking and we need a new light in the kitchen. (And it’s not my turn.)
Saturday, November 21
Saturday is the start of Schoolies, so Gold Coast residents – escape while you still can!
Saturday is the start of Schoolies! Or as it’s known, “Easy Pickin’s Week. / “Underage UnderSchmage”. / “The PaedoFestival”.
In Hobart, Saturday is the Christmas Pageant. Looks like the congential defects that arise from generations of inbreeding don’t help you with your sense of time.
In Saturday in Hobart, it’s the Christmas Pageant. They wanted to get in before everyone starts celebrating Christmas.
In New York, one of Michael Jackson’s gloves will be auctioned. Because auctioning a pair of them would be FREAKY.
In New York, one of Michael Jackson’s gloves will be auctioned. One? He only ever HAD one glove.
Hulk Hogan’s Hulkamania tour will arrive in Melbourne on Saturday. Yup, Melbourne’s all art and culture.
Hulk Hogan’s Hulkamania tour will arrive in Melbourne on Saturday, if you want to see wrinkles wrestle.
The West Australian Tourism Awards will be presented. Surely Sri Lanka must be up there.
Sunday, November 22
In Perth, it’s the Awesome International Arts Festival, which should do well against the Bogus Film Festival and the Carnival of Wickety-Wack.
In the Philippines, it’s the final of Miss Earth International, and this year, aptly, she’s huge and spherical.
In Melbourne, it’s the Cyclist Of The Year Awards. Front-runner: Magda Szubanski. / In Melbourne, it’s the Cyclist Of The Year Awards – rumour is, the award’s going to Magda!
Monday, November 23
In Sydney, it’s the Australian Airports Association national conference. BYO sickbag.
In Sydney on Monday, it’s the Australian Airports Association national conference. So anyone looking to land anywhere else that day, bad luck. / it’ll be a bit of a drive home.
In Canberra, the inquiry into the National Broadband Network will report, in morse.
On Monday, India’s rich list will be announced. They’re the guys on the INSIDE of the trains.
India’s rich list will be announced on Monday. Unlike many financial surveys, it includes income earned in previous lives.
The Bureau of Statistics will release the Pensioner Living Cost Index. But of course, the cost of living for a pensioner is different depending on whether or not you’re eating dogfood.
On Monday, The Bureau of Statistics will release the Household Living Costs Index and the Pensioner Living Cost Index. Unfortunately it is now almost impossible to get a house for less than a couple of dozen pensioners.
