Tuesday, June 23
Tomorrow’s “Australian Social Worker Of The Year” awards will be announced in Perth. I guess they need the help.
Tomorrow, the Australian Social Worker Of The Year awards will be announced. The TV rights are still available. / The action all begins on the threadbare carpet! / The perfect opportunity to wear your least favourite frock!
Climate change sceptic Dr. Ian Plimer will be at the Sydney Institute – if it really exists. / if he can be convinced it really exists.
Climate change sceptic Dr. Ian Plimer will be at the Sydney Institute – or will he?
At the Sydney Institute tomorrow, climate change sceptic Dr. Ian Plimer is supposed to be speaking, although it may possibly just be a phenomenon caused by sun spots.
Tomorrow, the latest radio ratings will be released – fly little radio ratings, fly!
The latest radio ratings will be released tomorrow – although, people who still listen to the radio actually call it “the wireless”.
Wednesday, June 24
Game 2 of the State Of Origin Rugby League will actually be played in one of the states of origin. Remarkable.
Another game of rugby league State of Origin – this time the players will be taught that the state of origin is when a man loves a woman very much. Note: just ONE man.
Wednesday’s Infection-Immunity conference in the Gold Coast will kick off with their special theme song. I haven’t heard it, but apparently it’s really catchy.
Wednesday’s Infection-Immunity conference will be held in the Gold Coast. And it’s very popular – people are dying to get in.
Wednesday’s Infection-Immunity conference will be held in the Gold Coast. And that’s nothing to sneeze at. / Unless it’s snot.
On Wednesday, “Transformers 2” will be released, and it’s more than meets the eye. Apparently, it’s got sound. / Some of it meets the ear too.
On Wednesday, “Transformers 2” will be released, turn into a rocket, and fly away.
On Wednesday, “Transformers 2” will be released – fly little transformers, fly!
Thursday, June 25
Thursday’s “Ageing Population Summit” in Brisbane will smell a little bit like mothballs and urine.
On Thursday Brisbane will host the “Ageing Population Summit”, so called because “Ageing Population Dooverlacky” was already, you know, thingoed.
At Thursday’s “One Just World” forum on carbon trading, it will be announced that under no circumstances will there be trading with any other planet. / that there will definitely be no carbon trade with Saturn.
On Thursday, the inquiry into a referendum on an Australian republic will report in Canberra. They figured they should report their findings in the city of queens.
The chairman of Telstra will be at the Company Directors’ lunch in Adelaide, where they’ll be unveiling the Sol Trujillo sandwich – it’s vegmite smothered in jalapenos, served on a bed of sour grapes. / the Sol Trujillo Cocktail – it’s a shot of VB chased with a flagon of tequila and a swift kick in the balls.
On Thursday, “Hannah Montana The Movie” will be released – fly, little Hannah Montana, and never come back!
Friday, June 26
On Friday, it’s the day that every alcoholic is working up for all year – Red Nose Day.
Friday is Red Nose Day. Punch someone in the face – for the sake of the children.
Friday is Red Nose Day, when everyone can have a good old laugh for sick children and bereaved families. Except of course for The Chaser.
On Friday, Las Vegas will host an auction of Marilyn Monroe & Elvis Presley memorabilia. Unfortunately, both are extremely soiled…
Las Vegas will host an auction of Marilyn Monroe & Elvis Presley memorabilia. Two shadowy figures in sunglasses and trilbies will go unnoticed.
Friday’s Supanova pop culture expo should be a blast…
Friday’s Supanova pop culture expo will tragically see most participants killed in a massive stellar explosion, with the survivors sucked into the resultant black hole. Be careful what you wish for, nerds.
Friday’s Beanie Festival in Alice Springs will go terribly wrong when the place is accidentally flooded with Meanies instead.
Friday’s Beanie Festival in Alice Springs will go terribly wrong when they realise it’s bloody hot, and they should’ve worn sunhats instead.
Friday’s “Fine Wine Festival” in Brisbane will be cancelled and replaced with a “Lager and Bucket bongs on the Verandah Festival”.
Saturday, June 27
Saturday is the School Formal Expo. Perfect for that last minute tuxedo, ballgown or date.
And Saturday’s School Formal Expo will be cancelled, when it turns out to actually be too cool for school.
Sunday, June 28
And on Sunday, it’ll be 90 years since the signing of the Treaty of Versailles, which formally ended WW1. And the world’s been peaceful ever since. / And we haven’t had a war since.
And on Sunday, it’ll be 90 years since the signing of the Treaty of Versailles, which formally ended “The Great War”. All of our subsequent wars have been shit.
On Sunday, Warrnambool hosts the Fun 4 Kids festival, otherwise known as a bus outta there.
Sydney will host the final of the N.S.W. Karaoke Championships, and for one lucky singer a new life beckons – complete with backing track!
Sydney will host the final of the N.S.W. Karaoke Championships. Maybe we’ll find our own Susan Boyle! Maybe not as good a singer, but at least a mad, ugly virgin.
Monday, June 29
Next Monday, it’ll be 60 years since apartheid began in South Africa, and more than 200 years since it began here.
