Tues, March 24
Barack Obama will meet Kevin Rudd for the first time. Ruddy will never have looked so lame.
Barack Obama will meet Kevin Rudd for the first time, and pick up some tips on gently dashing the hopes of your followers.
Kevin Rudd will meet Barack Obama and in the great tradition of Australia-U.S. relations, Rudd will jab his tongue firmly in Obama’s Barackside.
In their first ever meeting, Kevin Rudd will let Barack Obama in on the secret of his success – just be slightly less of a prick than the other lot.
Obama and Rudd will meet for the first time, and while Rudd will be glad the US president is Baracking for him, Obama will slightly let down that he’s only been Kevined.
In Washington tomorrow, Barack Obama will meet Kevin Rudd for the first time, and find him unbelievably white.
2009 Australian International Airshow will feature oxygen, nitrogen and this year traces of xenon!
2009 Australian International Airshow will display to the world the finest air Australia has to offer.
The National Air Guitar Championships happily coincide with the International Airshow, so at least there should be some other air instrumentalists to play back-up.
The National Air Guitar Championships should provide great entertainment for the International Airshow.
And, like the Air-guitar Championships, the 2009 Australian International Airshow will just be a bunch of people pretending there’s a show on.
The Bureau Of Stats will release the latest unemployment figures if Centrelink has finished the counting.
The Bureau Of Stats will release the latest unemployment figures. Well, at least they’ve still got jobs. / Nice to see SOMEONE still has a job…
Wed, March 25
Wednesday’s Brisbane Ideas Festival will include… um… stuff…
The “Brisbane Ideas Festival” will be cancelled when no-one can come up with any. / when the only idea is to hold it in Sydney.
The Bureau Of Stats will release the figures on Aboriginal home ownership. “Sorry.” / Along with an official apology.
The W.A. Air Guitar Championships will turn out to just be full of hot air.
The W.A. Air Guitar Championships will have to be cancelled when the air-Marshall-stacks are repaired, but the competition’s air-drummer collapses from an overdose of air. / is caught snorting air-cocaine with air-groupies.
The Gold Coast will host the Healthy Cities conference. Need I say more. / Just in time for them to have scrubbed off the blood and vomit from Schoolies.
The Hearing into Men’s Health Services in Canberra will discover all they really need is the Sports Channel, a full Esky, and a chick who likes cooking and quickies.
On Wednesday, nominations for the 2009 Pay TV ASTRA Awards are announced, though if you know who the nominees are, you’re probably not watching free-to-air.
On Wednesday, nominations for the 2009 Pay TV ASTRA Awards are announced. It’s like the Logies of the Future!
Thurs, March 26
The Bureau Of Stats will release the national tourism figures, directed by Baz Luhrmann!
Fri, 27 March
This week is the AFL’s first round. And if that doesn’t interest you, Barry Hall and Setanta O’hAilpin will go 15 rounds.
Swimmer Nick D’Arcy will be sentenced on assault charges. What a d’arcehole.
Swimmer Nick D’Arcy will be sentenced on assault charges, continuing to claim it was just a breast-stroke.
Sat, March 28
On Saturday at 8.30pm, one billion people across 1000 cities will turn off their lights, and hundreds of influential politicians will turn off their minds.
Saturday is Earth Hour: At 8.30pm, one billion people across 1000 cities will flick off the lights. It’s also a great way to hide from the aliens. / It’s like a surprise party for aliens.
Sun, Mar. 29
Next Sunday’s Neighbour Day just won’t be the same without Harold…
What’s left of The Who will cancel their post-Grand Prix concert when Pete Townshend’s tinnitus turns out to have been the sound of distant Formula One racing.
The Who will play at the Formula One Grand Prix and discover they really aren’t that loud after all.
What’s left of The Who will perform at the post-Prix concert. And, to the current generation, their name is more appropriate than ever.
The Queensland Air Guitar Championships will have to be cancelled when they get themselves a new, air-substance-free air-drummer, but the lead air-singer leaves to form his own air-solo-project.
The Queensland Air Guitar Championships will be cancelled, leaving the winner up in the air.
Sunday’s Walk Against Warming will be replaced by Flee the Fires.
On Sunday, Rolf Harris will turn 79, and his extra leg is getting on too.
Rolf Harris will turn 79. (breathy wobbleboard thingie) Hoohoohaha Hoohoohaha. / Wakkachikka Wakkachikka.
Mon, Mar. 30
Next Monday, Canberra will host a report from the inquiry into the National Broadband Network. They didn’t have the bandwidth to hold it anywhere else.
