Mon, June 02
This week sees the UN meeting on climate change, Melbourne’s Going Green expo and World Environment Day. Phew, looks like we’re saved at last.
Tues, June 03
Mabo Day will be absolutely mabolous.
On Tuesday, the U.S. presidential primaries finish. Hilary will give up golf, but still not the damn campaign.
With the end of the U.S. presidential primaries, Hilary Clinton might as well take up George Bush’s golf membership.
On Tuesday, the Formula One Association will decide that not only will Nazi-hooker-lover Max Mosley be sacked, but backed and cracked as well.
On Tuesday, the Formula One Association will decide that not only will Nazi-hooker-lover Max Mosley be sacked, but that the sack then be thrown into the harbour. / off a cliff.
Wed, June 04
And on Wednesday, Angelina Jolie will turn 33, but as she’s heavily pregnant, I might not bang her after all.
Thurs, June 05
Canberra hosts the State of the Nation conference and the Leadership Ideas Festival on World Environment Day. Perhaps they could discuss some sort of renewable energy funding package that is non-insulting to people who want the planet to survive.
On Thursday, the ‘Going Green’ expo in Melbourne will outline the positives discovered on ‘No Tobacco Day’.
“Sex & The City” will premiere on the big screen, revealing all too graphically the facelifts required since the TV series.
“Sex & The City” will premiere on the big screen. It’s about a bunch of actors desperately clinging to the success of their TV series, as they fight aging, disinterest and having to stay unrealistically hot.
Britney’s teenage sister Jamie Lynn is due to give birth, and is getting everything ready: towels, nappies, the driver’s seat…
Fri, June 06
Friday sees the World Naked Bike Ride take place in the UK, creating some of the most ghastly images you’ll ever see. It’ll be like an invasion of pale flabby whinging scrotes on wheels.
On Friday, John Howard & Elle Macpherson will both be at a business convention in the UK. Now that’s a couple made in heaven. / And what goes on at business conventions in the UK stays at business conventions in the UK. / The theme of the convention is “obsolete tits”.
Friday will see the Goverment respond to a report on prescription drug abuse by popping a coupla valiums.
On Friday, the Government will respond to the report on prescription drug abuse, by seeing a dodgy GP and telling him they have a really bad headache. / they really could do with some codeine, and lots of it.
Sat, June 07
Japan plays host to the G8 energy summit, and will drive fuel prices even higher just to get themselves there.
The G8 energy summit will shift the blame for global warming on to that Swiss guy with the jet-glider.
The G8 energy summit will conclude that the only affordable way to travel in the future will be by jet-glider.
The G8 energy summit will discover that the energy crisis is averted now that the Brits have released the papers on alien free energy generation.
On Saturday, Prince turns 50, but he’s gonna party like it’s 1999, when he was still middle-aged. / but he’s gonna party like he’s staying 49.
And on Saturday, Prince turns 50. I’d bang him sideways with bells on.
Prince’s 50th birthday falls a couple of days before we Aussies celebrate the Queen’s birthday. Coincidence? Yes, I’m pretty sure it is.
Mon, June 09
Next Monday is the Queen’s Birthday public holiday – we’d love to have the day off, but apparently Channel 10 doesn’t have the same respect for the Queen as some of us.
On Monday, a review of the Broadcasting Code of Practice will report that jokes that just end “but I’d still bang her” should not be allowed. Well there goes the rest of the series.
