Good Next Week (Good News Week 7/4/08: closing)

Tues, April 08
Seniors Week will be celebrated with a wild week of tea and crochet.

The launch of Seniors Week will be marred by young whippersnappers who deserve a clip around the ears.

The launch of Seniors Week will be marred when the oldies try to out-nostalgia each other and the event goes for seven weeks. / someone breaks a hip.

Seniors Week will get badly out of hand when a group of elderly citizens take double doses of their meds and urinate all over the front of the Shrine.

To celebrate Seniors Week, Corey Worthington is arranging a special party where seniors get to pelt him with tomatoes.

Seniors Week will go horribly wrong when somehow the launch is organised by Corey Worthington, and the oldies totally trash the place. / and the oldies all catch a a chill from wearing their hoodies unzipped. / and he causes mass collisions when he convinces them to swap their bifocals for large yellow sunnies.

The launch of Seniors Week will be marred when the 2-up ends in several casualties.

The launch of Seniors Week will feature an open bar, a slideshow, and a buffet of global delicacies, all mashed up.

The launch of Seniors Week will be followed by mid-life crisis day and Junior Hour.

Wed, April 09
Charles & Camilla will celebrate their 3rd wedding anniversary by smothering the Queen in her sleep and ascending to the throne! So romantic.

Charles & Camilla will celebrate their 3rd wedding anniversary by murdering the Queen – and those pesky kids.

Charles & Camilla will celebrate their 3rd wedding anniversary, which for Camilla is 21 dog years. No, no, that’s cruel. Dogs are gorgeous.

To commemorate their 3rd anniversary, Charles and Camilla will release home videos of their wedding night on YouTube, resulting in millions of curious viewers releasing their lunch.

Kevin Rudd will meet with Chinese President Hu and Premier Wen, along with Governor Why, General What and Treasurer Wherefore. / Treasurer IDontGiveADamn.

Kevin Rudd will meet with the Chinese President, who’ll distract him while they sneak a few more troops into Canberra.

Kevin Rudd will meet with the Chinese President, Kevin Ludd.

Kevin Rudd will meet with the Chinese President, who will thrash him at mahjong. / who will totally kick his arse at ping-pong.

Kevin Rudd will meet with the Chinese President, who knocks him down a peg or two by being way better at speaking Mandarin.

Kevin Rudd will meet with the Chinese President, who’ll crack a few jokes about how Australians can’t drive very well, and don’t even eat dogs.

Kevin Rudd will meet with the Chinese President, which will hopefully go better than when John Howard met him and immediately launched into his famous “me chinese, me play joke, me do wee-wee in your coke” routine.

Thurs, April 10
A new movie called “Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden” will be released, and President Bush is hoping there’s going to be a twist ending.

A new movie called “Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden” will be released – if you can find it. / just not sure where yet. / in a cave somewhere.

A new movie called “Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden” will be released, made by same guy as Supersize Me. In the film, Morgan tries to lure Osama out with a cheeseburger and fries combo meal deal.

A new movie called “Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden” will be released, and George W Bush sends his best secret agents in to find out.

The launch of Morgan Spurlock’s new movie “Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden” will be delayed when Dubya can’t find the theatre.

Fri, April 11
In Brisbane, the RSPCA Gala Dinner will free up a few cages.

The RSPCA Qld Gala Dinner will be held in Brisbane – just don’t touch the hotdogs / ratatouille / feral cat surprise.

The RSPCA Qld Gala Dinner will be held in Brisbane – well, they’ve gotta do something with all those left-over dogs.

The RSPCA Qld Gala Dinner will be held in Brisbane, with a modest menu – nothing but dimsims.

Sat, April 12
Melbourne will host the Conference Travel Xpo, in Fiji.

Melbourne will play host to the International Beauty Expo. (look out over crowd) Yep, obviously that is next week.

The International Beauty Expo will be held in Melbourne – obviously they’re talking about inner beauty.

Sun, April 13
“Australian Idol” auditions will begin in Darwin – obviously they’re looking for inner talent.

“Australian Idol” auditions will begin in Darwin and L.A. – so we’ll be starting off with both Hollywood rejects and good old home-grown rejects.