According to the prison librarian at Guantanamo Bay, the favourite book of Muslim detainees is Harry Potter. Mind you, all the copies of the Koran have already been flushed.
After all, Guantanamo Bay is a lot like Hogwarts; it’s hidden from the rest of the world, you can’t leave until the end of term, and you can’t move for flying sticks.
Prison guards are pleased that the detainees are expanding their reading habits. “It gives us something different to urinate on!”
“We love the magic, the occult powers… anything that challenges Christianity!”
“We love the magic, the occult powers… anything that weakens the Christian infidels!”
The most popular Rowling book at the library is “Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Afghanistan”…
The detainees can empathise with J K Rowling; they’ve both been condemned by Christian fundamentalists.
The Potter books have been edited for the Guantanemo inmates: Hogwarts is now Lambworts, quiddich-sticks are now cattleprods, and Dumbledore’s been renamed Osama…
Inspired by the new fanbase, J.K. Rowling has plans for several new titles, including “Harry Potter and the Holy War of Retribution”, “Harry Potter and the Naked Pyramid”, and “Harry Potter and the Electrified Testicle”.
Several inmates have flown out of the compound on broomsticks…
So it turns out that Guantanamo Bay isn’t so bad after all – at least the inmates get to read! I’d assumed it was all torture and will-crushing. Now I find they spend all their time reading, lounging by the pool, sipping martinis in the Cuban sun… I wish I was David Hicks.
The inmates have also been getting into the Bible: they especially like that bit where the infidel gets nailed to the cross like a common thief!
Apparently they’ve also been enjoying Agatha Christie novels, including “Terrorism She Wrote”, “Murder on the London Express” and “Miss Marple and the Everlasting Jihad” / “Miss Marple and the Heavenly Virgins”…
Also on the reading list is Tolkein’s “The Two Towers”; although they mainly borrow it to crash their copies of the “Airline Pilot’s Training Manual” into…
The detainees love the stories of Harry using magical powers to solve his problems. “He’s kind of like Mohammed with a wand!” said one.
Agatha Christie novels are also very popular among the inmates. They particularly like Miss Marple, although they do prefer it if she wears a headscarf rather than that dainty little hat.
Books not in the Guantanamo Bay library include “The Great Escape”, “Born Free”, and “How to Kill Your Guards, Break Free and Wreak Holy Vengeance”.
Also popular is the “Anarchists’ Cookbook”… but they just read it for the articles / I’m surprised they stock it, really.
George W Bush was encouraged by the fact the detainees are so interested in Western culture. Although he was confused by the use of the term “library”.
