A pair of New Zealand criminals have been involved in one of the worst escape attempts ever, when, handcuffed to one another, they wrapped themselves around a pole.
Sure, they didn’t escape, but they won a camera on Australia’s Funniest Prison Videos.
The police arrested them after battering them with rubber truncheons and a prolonged pie fight.
They had just been found guilty of assault with a custard pie and soda water bottle.
After they crashed into a pole, the two prisoners slipped on a banana peel, crashed through a glass pane that was being moved across the street, fell down a manhole, and collapsed face-first into a giant cake.
It’s been billed as “one of the worst escape attempts ever seen”, bettered only by the non-swimmer who attempted to escape Alcatraz on a floatie and the man who tried to tunnel his way out with a piece of cheese.
They’re now very popular in the prison as pole dancers.
The police were pleased to finally have some prisoners that could dole out their own brutality.
The police gave chase, climbing one after one after one after one out of their tiny little police car.
Even if the pole didn’t get them, they might have had some difficulty getting into the getaway car.
When they first attempted escape, they fell over and were pepper sprayed. Police could have arrested them then, but were amused to see how it all played out.
Clearly, they hadn’t been sprayed with pepper spray at all. It was silly string.
It wasn’t their fault – the wardens in the van started playing Yackety Sax.
Next time, they’re planning on swapping sides.
So if you’re planning a prison break, make sure your accomplice knows left from right.
The criminals shouldn’t be the only ones embarrassed. After all, they couldn’t get past a pole, but they did escape from armed cops with a faceful of pepper-spray.
The pole has now been promoted to senior sergeant.
They made a bolt for freedom. Though bolt-cutters would have been better.
Unfortunately it’s spoiled the ending of the new series of Prison Break.
It was like the time they tried to jump the fence while chained to the ground. / the time they tried to escape disguised as a pantomime horse. / the time they tried to escape dressed as prisoners.
Who’d’ve thought there’d be stupid people in New Zealand?
But it’s New Zealand! You think their criminals are any smarter than the rest of them?
Oddly enough, the story has nothing to do with sheep.
