Seven Australian Universities are making lectures and research available on iTunes. This way you can download a whole course and listen to them whenever you want to sleep. / and skip all your lectures at once!
Not only can you download the original lectures, but funky remixes by Paul Mac and Armin van Buren!
Seven Australian Universities are making lectures and research available to anyone with an iPod. Now there are lectures even inside students’ earbuds! Is there nowhere they can escape from learning?
Hmph. Putting lectures on the kids’ iPods. That’s like putting vitamins in their smack. / muesli in their bucket bongs. / healthy nutrients in their Stones Ginger Wine.
Unfortunately your essays end up coming out gibberish if you listen to the lectures on shuffleplay.
Not only can you download your lectures onto your iPod, but you have to submit your essays as techno house anthems. / as emo rock ballads.
That’s all very well for students who can afford iPods, but they’ll never reach all students until they can fit lectures into a pack of two minute noodles.
Putting your lectures online is a great way to get to students who can’t be bothered turning up in person, but they’ll never reach all students until they work out how to put lectures into a bucket bong.
Of course now that all lectures are available online, the only people actually attending the lecture are the ones recording it. / are the insomniacs.
It’s great news for insomnia sufferers!
Of course now that all lectures are available online, you can actually use the internet to learn, as well as watch women having sex with pigs.
Now, you can download all your favourite dwarf-fisting vids, and get a PhD at the same time! / and study the lyricism of Proust at the same time.
So now that anyone can download lectures, the only reason to actually attend Uni is for the pub crawls. / teenaged sex. / the protests.
Not only are course materials and lectures online, but they’ve also uploaded youthful idealism. / self-satisfied smugness. / cheap red and berets. / drunken diatribes on Kant and radical constructivism. / happy hour.
Uni students these days are “time-poor” and “techno-savvy”. How things change. Back in my day, we were “time-rich” and “bong-savvy”.
Professor Sue Spence of Griffith University says that putting uni work online means that now it’s in a format that’s “easy for people to access and understand”. I don’t care what format it’s in, nothing is going to make it easier for me to understand “Pataphysics, Trans-incidentalisms and The Death of The Real”. / “The Tragedy Of Human Existence Manifests Itself In The Perpetual Vacillation Of Man Leading Towards A Life Devoid Of Commitment – Discuss.” / “Hypergeometry in Quantum Mechanical Relativistic N-Space”.
Professor Sue Spence of Griffith University says that putting lectures online means most subjects are now “easy for people to access and understand”. Except Postmodernism, which is still mostly gibberish.
Professor Sue Spence of Griffith University says that putting lectures online provides them in a format that’s “easy for people to access and understand”. Or at least it will be once they work out a way to remove the lecturers from the process.
Not only will you be able to download lectures and the latest research, but also the finest quality educational porn.
It’s especially easy to download your coursework if you’re studying “Anal Fisting 101”. / Of course, it’s already possible to download your coursework in some subjects, like “Cumshots 101”.
So parents, don’t complain when you see young people always wearing their headphones – they’re actually busy studying.
The downloadable lectures not only mean students can sleep in longer, but they can also pretend they’re immersed in cool choons while they’re actually learning.
So now, that slacker student wasting her young adulthood away in a pair of headphones is actually getting her PhD in rocket science. So watch out.
Listening to a lecture on your iPod is OK, so long as you’re at least reading some trashy pop culture at the time.
So those kids who come to the lectures and just listen to their iPod the whole time can now stay at home and be better educated. / are actually working harder than all the other students – they’re at two lectures at once.
And to make the lectures come alive even more, why not buy your iPod a set of brown elbow-patches?
Lecturers are also replacing their traditional leather elbow patches with iPatches. Though that does make them look like pirates. / Which only really works in Swashbuckling 101.
“iTunes U” will also contain lectures from universities in New Zealand, which is fantastic if you are finishing off your degree in animal husbandry. / if you’re studying hills. / if you’re doing your doctorate in cold isolated tiny little countries who have funny accents and the world’s dumbest bird.
Now everyone’s happy. Students can continue sleeping in, wagging classes, and listening to their iPods – and lecturers can stay at home, curse the youth of today, and drink themselves into oblivion.
