I’ll Have What He’s Having (GNW 14/9/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

A Romanian woman presented at hospital with burns, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone while her husband had an almost bitten off penis. Those Romanians sure know how to party.

The woman was giving her husband a blow-job while he was cooking pancakes. I suppose if that’s what it takes to get the bloke cooking…

As he was cooking pancakes, she was giving him oral sex, which distracted him from the cooking, meaning he dropped the pan, which sent hot oil down her naked back, which made him clench her teeth around his penis, which made him smash the pan down on her head. Man, if I had a dollar for every time that’s happened to me…

In ecstasy, the man lost his grip on the pan and spilt boiling oil on his wife’s naked back. She chomped down on his willy, and in agony, he bashed her on the head with the pan. Agonising for them both, but at least it’s the top video at third-degree-burns-bitten-cocks-and-domestic-violence dot com.

As he was cooking pancakes, she was giving him oral sex, which distracted him from the cooking, meaning he dropped the pan, which sent hot oil down her naked back, which made him clench her teeth around his penis, which made him smash the pan down on her head. But it was the best ratings Romanian Masterchef’s ever had! / Now that’s an invention test. / And they still didn’t win the invention test.

She didn’t mind that the pancakes got ruined. She’d already eaten.

Unfortunately when someone’s biting into your cock, bashing them on the head with a hot frying pan can sometimes make things worse.

When she bit down on his cock in pain, he bashed her on the head with the hot pan. And then she REALLY grit her teeth.

Now that’s good thinking. When your wife has almost bitten off your cock due to intense pain – cause her even more intense pain!

And you know the worst thing? The pancakes were doughy.

The whole thing was nearly enough to ruin their appetites.

Although, if you’re halfway through giving your man oral sex and he starts making pancakes, you might not be doing it right.

She didn’t mind that the pancakes never got finished. She prefers the batter.

She may not have got any pancakes, but she got a good battering.

There is an upside, however. They were the best pancakes ever.

You know what they say – get out of the kitchen.

You know what they say – if you can’t stand the heat, stop sucking your husband off while he’s cooking pancakes.

It seems appropriate – after all, that’s how they first met.

Lucky they weren’t having spatchcock.

Next time, instead of cooking pancakes, he should stick to meat and potatoes. Like she did.

Let this be a warning to young lovers everywhere – go out for dinner.

It was actually a weird coincidence – he was originally going to cook pan-fried back with a side-serve of bitten cock.

You think that sounds bad, you shoulda seen his dumplings.

The woman really wishes she’d had the pancakes. That severed cock was really gamey.

It’s the last time she goes down on him. He insisted she swallow.

The couple only admitted the story after “intense questioning” by doctors. And when you’ve had your cock bitten off and your head smashed in with a frying pan, it takes a lot to describe questioning as “intense”.

They’ve agreed from now on, she’ll do the cooking and he’ll suck the cocks.